Does everyone who commits suicide go to hell???
I look back to the sinner on the cross next to Jesus. His fate was
sealed, he was dying! He still was saved by Jesus…
I don’t condone suicide.Of course it is wrong, but what leads a person to commit it is as important as to why they commit it.
Whether they succeed [in killing themself]or are spared [failed suicide attempt] is another consideration.
God is the judge, not man as to where they go.Most forget that and pass judgements on those who commit suicide, usually erroneously damning them to hell, because we are told in the bible to not judge by the outward appearance but instead with right judgement… If we judged by appearance then that sinner on the cross alongside Jesus would have certainly gone to hell, but scripture tells us that Jesus promised him paradice. I rather believe Jesus over man…
When I was young, I have seriously tried it many times myself to be amazed that I woke up alive a few days later!!!
Many of the health issues I have today are results from past attempts,BUT I am hear to tell about it.
In fact before I was ‘saved’ by the grace of God, through Jesus sacrifice on the cross for my sins, I believed God was dead!! Now I know better.God is alive and well and coming to judge the living and the dead some day.
It was the early 70’s and the Viet Nam war was costing more and more lives, immorality was rampant,drugs everywhere….morals wre breaking down, ban the bra movement along with the hippie movement.. decadence was coming into power in our nation as values dissappeared.
At my job on Wall St., one day a black co worker named Jack Gaddy was on the phone and suddenly, screamed and fell to the floor crying inconsolably. He received the call no parent ever wants. His apt in Harlem had a fire and his two children aged 2 & 4 had burned to death.
My parents home burned down the Christmas before and I was able to save my brothers and sisters along with my older sisters help. I had nighmares however, wondering what it would have been like had we left one behind? We had 13 kids in the family back then and it could have
happened. Now this…
I went to the funeral.
2 babies burnt to death in an apt fire.
Other co-workers went as well and we were told we were there for support and reminded not to cry.
I stopped in a bar before entering the funeral home and downed a couple of scotches to help me keep control of my
emotions…
The minister was very emotional and said ” No longer will these children have to face the hustle and bustle of NYC- no longer have to face the trials and tribulations of this world“…. [and on and on]
After the funeral, I downed some more scotch to keep brave as I had done before the funeral…
Seeing those little white caskets sealed with those tiny babies dead inside, I railed at God saying “How could you do such a thing?” as I heard echos in my mind of that poor mother and grandmother screaming inconsolably at the funeral,” OH GOD GIVE ME BACK MY BABIES, GIVE ME BACK MY BABIES!!” it still echoes in my mind today..
That could have been my mother crying…
That night I went home and decided to go to ‘mass’ as I was then a Catholic and light some candles.
I couldn’t shake the emotionalism of that black Baptist funeral in Harlem…Those words of the minister rang in my mind…I had never been to what I would have called a ‘Protestant Service’ , but 2 babies belonging to a co-worker were dead and it was all too heartbreaking.
I didnt want to face the hustle and bustle of NYC either!!!
I didnt want to live in such a rotten world with a ‘god’ that let little babies die, so horribly and felt if he didnt spare them what hope would I ever have???
I knew suicide was a pass straight to hell according to Catholic belief. I wasnt certain if it existed or if we were all already living in it..but didnt want to directly try it.
After the mass, I was up front in the church and lit some candles to a Mother Mary statue and was saying some prayers with tears in my eyes…
I stared at the statue when suddenly I actually saw a smokey like vapor take form around the head and a figure swaying all about the statue as it was trying to keep praying and avoiding this vaporish apparition…
I became intrigued as this apparition took form and was tormenting the praying statue of Mother Mary…I saw that with prayer she was withstanding this assault.
I blinked my eyes to clear them and yet the apparition remained moving about the statue as the statue began to sway from side to side while looking upwards towards heaven, obviously suffering and praying for relief!
I asked how can I resist the evil in this world , how can I escape it?
The statue looked down at me with a vaporous face that now moved and spoke to me! This was my first supernatural demonic encounter.
I thought it was Mother Mary~~~ I knew the stories of her appearing at Fatima and such places to others and now I felt a strange peace that she was speaking to me~!
She told me that if I really wanted to leave this world that I wouldnt go to hell if I repented before I died…
She said that I could go home, if I was serious, take all the pills I had in hand and shut my door- to let no one know and to present myself as a sacrifice.
To do it right, I was to be certain not to tell a soul as it must be kept secret or I could go to hell…I was to take those pills and then paint a picture of Jesus as my repentence~~
If I focused on Jesus that I would go to heaven…
I had to obey her words exactly however or my sacrifice wouldnt be accepted…
I went home and baracaded my bedroom door and took all the pills and began to paint a picture of Jesus.
I soon became entranced [by the medications] and struggled to stay awake painting this picture of Jesus, knowing I had to make it perfect since it was a gift for God himself~!
It became harder to remain awake, but I knew I had to keep painting.
It was a small painting and the paint got thicker and thicker becoming raised off the little canvas…
I kept making corrections and building on that face…. with thorns and blood… I couldnt get that image out of my mind, but I wasnt going to disobey Mother Mary…
I was going to keep my focus on Jesus…. Hours passed…about 7 -8 hours since I took all the pills and began the
painting…
[[ I found out later after the fact, that had I gone to sleep I would have died~!]]
I could barely keep my eyes open but the painting didnt look finished..
Then a smokey apparition appeared over the image…
I blinked my eyes to clear my sight… it stared back at me and the thorns suddenly merged upwards, formed horns and the eyes popped out at me and the mouth showed its teeth and chomped them at me~~~
I freaked…
It turned into Satan!~ I must have failed!!!
I took a palette knife and immediately scraped all the layers of paint off and looked at the canvas and saw what looked like Jesus in the shroud of Turin~~ eyes closed and dead!!!!
I put it down and then went to sleep…It was dawn.
I awoke and felt that I failed to obey Mary and sought to get more pills to try it again and do it right.
I was convinced I was supposed to die. After a few more attempts, I gave up and decided to live since I didnt die when I should have… { Jesus spared me!}
[[[It wasnt til years later that I realized that the devil comes as
an angel of light and this was in fact a demon that was leading me to
my death…
It wasn’t Mary, but a demon using her form…
Jesus however knew that I loved him since I was young and spared my life
that day …]]]
Anyway several months later, I once again became dissillusioned with living after having been raped and beaten and date raped and more I thought about that last attempt and felt I should try it over..
This time I took 150 pills with a qt of scotch and a 1/4 qt bottle of vodka..
Again I was alone, living in my own apt with a roommate. I even wrote out a ‘will’ and goodbye letter for my family.
I took it all and technically died.
[Several years later in hospital, the doctors saw evidence of an earlier heart attack, although I had never been treated for any heart condition up til that point.]
I laid alone 3 days since my roommate went away for the weekend after I took all the pills…
I even had had a heart attack and developed bleeding ulcers.
I laid in my own mess from Friday night til Monday morning.
When I arose and realized my roommate never came home over the weekend, I went to step outside to find out what day it was and to use my neighbors phone.
I was worried about my roommate failing to return home and asked my neighbors to call the police so I could fill out a missing persons report…
One look at me and they called an ambulance..
AS I tried to argue not to go into the hospital, my roommate turned the corner walking towards us.
It looked like she was 3 ft off the ground. I thought she was a ghost.
I passed out and woke en route to the hospital. I was admitted for 10 days.
This time while in the hospital, I began to think God may be alive afterall and apparently had some control over life and death.
After a few weeks of being in the hospital I was released and visited a priest to ask some questions like why didnt I die…
He told me after 3 hours of talking, that I was forgiven and to start going back to church…I told him about the last time I went to church and Mother Mary telling me to commit suicide. He had no answers for that.
He agreed through the entire story that it was ‘her’ appearing to me til I told him what she said to do~
Then he went pale and I left.He said she never would have done that.
I was starting to realize that there is a spirit world and it affects us all…
I didnt go back to that church, however as I didnt want any more of those encounters with the “Mary” I had met, whoever she was…
It took several months til my stomach healed enough to eat regular food again and then I also resumed drinking.
I did however believe that God was now alive.
I still didnt know why he lets babies die and that bothered me a long time.
My roommate had moved away meanwhile and we remained in contact. She moved back upstate to care for her father who was dying from cancer.
I went upstate to visit my old roommate and was amazed how she cared for her dad. She remained there til September when he died, then called me to visit and I went over to console her.All I could imagine was if that had been my dad and I felt aweful for her.
She wanted to go to some churches that werent Catholic and I reluctantly agreed and that is where I was eventually led to meeting Jesus and getting saved.
I still was haunted by what I percieved to be God’s lack of mercy in how some people died but was now looking for some answers and started to see that it was the devil causing all the evil,so I began praying that the devil would get saved and that everyone would then get saved if the devil stopped bugging people..[of course I was wrong, but naiive]
I soon learned in my Christian walk that it wasnt God’s fault about death but that the devil, not born in the flesh, could not get saved and that
the world was about to change when Jesus returned.
Anyway, I found from those encounters and more to come that no one has power over their day of death!
Those who are successful at committing suicide, just as with victims of accidents or violence, that it is in fact their time to go. Never give up hope in the mercy of God!
I also know that when someone is in the actual process of dying, that time stops for them and they enter a spiritual state that seems endless,
I was there, more than once and have read and heard of similar encounters of near death experiences others have had.
During this time, as I did, people do talk to spirits and some may be heading towards hell.
Others can and do accept Jesus and ask forgiveness.
Some, whose bodies are so damaged are permitted to die.
That doesnt mean they are judged for hell as God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy, just as readily we can believe a person
can jump in front of a train to save another and they themselves get killed as being ‘a savior’, we have less doubt that that person goes to hell…
I believe that the common conception that suicide equals hell is done more to try and prevent some from trying to commit it.
God is the judge not us and if we are to believe that a person, so totally in despair that they commit suicide would automatically go to hell for it, that we are by way of logical progression, accusing God of being unfair and uncaring that such a person suffered in life and death.
God is able to save to the uttermost those who come to him through Jesus.
Some peoples deaths serve to draw other people closer to God. Some people are just so hurt in life that it seems unrepairable and God calls them home to comfort them.
It is appointed unto man once to die, then the judgement … not my speculations as to where they will reside in eternity according to my perceptions.
I know that I trust our God who ultimately is Love and
whatever mercy we think we can fathom to extend to another human being is nothing compared to the mercy he extends to us all.
In the old testament, various acts by individuals were wrong in man’s eye but counted as righteous in God’s eye, like Rahab the harlot lying to save the spies…Her lie wasnt to protect herself but others and it was counted by God as ‘righteous’… yet we are told liars go
to hell…
So it is clear here that God makes exceptions under various circumstances as written in the bible.
I extend those exceptions, that I do not understand, back to the wisdom of God and know he always does what is right.
I wont allow the devil to pull a ‘hath not God said’ thing with me and make me think a person is going to hell for how they died…
Rather, they will go to hell for how they lived! It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living god.
I can honestly offer comfort to all who have lost loved ones, of the hope I have in Jesus and trust in my God that the suffering in life ends at death and that only those so notoriously evil will have to face God and his judgement,
however those who forn whatever reason, became so distraught with the pains suffered in this life are often actually rescued through their deaths by God and then again, some recover to live longer on earth, while to others he says “welcome home children”…
Yet it is our duty to reach out to the lonely and in despair to help them and guide them into more productive lives.
Likewise it is our privilege to offer comfort to those who lost loved ones including those who died apparently by their own hand.
GBU~!
Ave
Ave 