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Can a person lose their salvation??


Looking at it from various perspectives.. You have to consider where you are at when considering this. From a human point of view, you have ‘free will’ and choose daily whom you will serve, whether it be yourself, others, others with a motive[selfish reasons] , others out of love or concern. There is a way that seems right to a man… so we are told that even a ‘bad father’ can give good things to his children, With that said, you meet people who may not believe in God, yet are humanly generous & decent.

When thinking from a worldly perspective you may find a mental argument considering that if there is a God, that it would be most unfair of Him to condemn such ‘nice’ people to an eternal hell…or that ‘if there is a God in Heaven, so and so would have to be an angel…and so on when referring to a deceased loved one and not having any knowledge of the Holy One.

Then you have those who claim to ‘believe in God’ and may have been brought up in a certain culture or religion, follow all the pre-set rules and behave accordingly, outwardly~ yet their actions, demonstrate they are only holding a form of religion while denying its power by their very daily actions…Example a ‘slum lord’ that through greed causes human suffering yet may be a pillar in his so called church…Or perhaps a person who knows there is a God but limits his service to God to what is self serving at the same time.. sharing the throne as he is ruled by his own wicked heart and not trying to learn what is pleasing to the Father, rather trying to pay his way in…Ex. Mafia killer who donates heavily to a church…[extreme example I know but made for a point]

Then you have a person, who knows there is something bigger than himself out there [God has put eternity into the hearts of men..] that may not belong to any set religion, but almost instinctively chooses to do good for others and will often put him/herself at a disadvantage by choosing to do what is best for someone else, whether it be family or stranger…Such a person would be like the Good Samaritan, perhaps, that cares for the needs of others. There are all sorts of people out there and they have all sorts of things going on inside them that motivates their actions.

 WE are told not to judge by appearances, since we can not always discern another’s motives..That is why the Holy Spirit searches the hearts and minds of men….Often the person who truly serves God by his/her selflessness, may be obscure in the crowd and the person you would least expect.. That is why the Jews didnt receive Jesus.. They expected an omnipotent leader to emerge as a king and destroy their oppressors…but that wasnt how he came and he was for the most part rejected, a man of sorrows , aquainted with grief, while still doing miracles that drew attention to his cause in demonstrating how we should seek the Father and how to please Him, culminating in his sacrifice on the cross…

We too must pick up our cross daily… and if we are prospering on earth for what we do for God, doesn’t that make us like a hireling, since we might care more for the outward show and glory here instead of heaping up our rewards in heaven? So what must a man do to be saved and can we lose our salvation? Since the heart of man is deceitful, desperate to be corrupt, we are challenged daily by our circumstances to choose whom we will serve and how we are to justify our own actions.

We tend to blow it and make wrong choices, if not everyday, at least at times that will plainly reveal that we are in sin and not perfectly behaving within the will of God. The Jews had it all written down, just needed to obey, as to what God wants and yet even with the blessings they received, they were not content and sought after the Baals and subsequently were punished for many centuries..

The example shows us that we can be chosen by God , yet still chastized when we do wrong and sometimes die in our sins..After all when going by the Law, guilty of one is the same as being guilty of all…All have fallen short of the glory of God. The Spirit of Antichrist has been around from the beginning~ beguiling Even & Adam in the Garden all the way down to every person ever born…Satan is evil and infects mankind by whispering into our ears and offering foul solutions to life that will not please God.

Funny that human anatomy gives us two ears…not that either is good of bad, but that there is two…like the choices we get- choose daily , right or wrong…and we get two eyes..seeing a choice in everything we come across.. dark or light, good or bad… BUT we get one mouth..and out of the mouth comes the culmination of what we think…out of the mouth the abundance of the heart speaks.. We are given one heart– cant serve two masters- love one, hate the other.. WE are given one stomache that digests whatever we put into it, although some things nourish, while others make us sick… WE are wonderfully made! Still we are housed in one body while on earth and when one part of the body suffers, the entire body suffers, so becoming of sound mind means certain criteria we have to establish in our own hearts and adhere to..

Do not be double minded as such receive no blessings from God. Take every thought captive, holding fast to that which is good- Learning to please the Father. To be greatest of all when reaching heaven, become a servant of all here on earth, laying down life for a friend and putting the needs of others before your own.

Commit your way to the Lord and your plan will be established. Choose this day whom you will serve. Today is the day of salvation, as the Holy Spirit draws you into the presence of God, surrender your unbridled will to Him and taste and see that the Lord is good. Man makes alot of mistakes during his life time since now we only see in part, but it is promised that later we shall see fully and understand… Jesus is the rock of our salvation.

What does that mean to you? Are mere words a plan for war? Will wickedness deliver those who are given to it? How can you become firm in faith and be assured of your eternal reward? What tightrope must you walk if any, to be assured of the mercy of God?

JESUS~ He came to show us the WAY but many dont look at all that really involves. Most can plainly see that as a man he did good deeds and some miracles and allowed himself to be martyred for the cause, so to speak. Even demons believe~!

 But what was it that made Him so special to be called the Messiah or only begotten Son of God… I mean, humanly speaking some called him a drunkard and He even demonstrated anger and violence when He chased the money changers out of the temple…So what is it about Jesus that makes anyone choose to follow Him and at what capacity? Are they mimicking a good man and have a masochistic streak that makes them want to be martyred? Even religions professing other dieties do as much , like a buddhist monk set afire to make some point…

What is it about Jesus that sets Him apart from all the others out there , like Mohamad or Buddha?You need first to be convinced in your own mind but it can be argued that Muslims and Buddhists[and others] are similarly persuaded to lay down their lives for their beliefs~

Nimrod was a mighty king in Babylon and he persuaded the known world to follow him to the point of total unity~! People saw him as right when he shot the arrow into the heavens to snot the real God and show he can do as he pleased. No wonder God didn’t destroy mankind, rather He scattered their speech so they could no longer fellowship in wrong in unity but were dispersed…and why?

Another  reason is 1/3 of the heavenly host were cast down to earth and these wandering spirits have thoughts that oppose God so they will be separated from Him eternally into a place where they can enjoy their thoughts which are evil and cause suffering. They are spirits and know alot more about the spirit world and have been observing and manipulating mankind from the beginning .

Not satisfied with the judgement they received in being cast out of heaven, they seek to cull out all from God’s creation that embrace such thoughts..

They didnt create mankind. They know God did create mankind for His glory and they HATE God, so they want to destroy anything of God’s while they are loose and wandering so they plot evil and plant it into the thoughts of the minds of men.

Starting at birth, they whisper thoughts into man’s mind , right alongside the blessed and good thoughts that also are being placed for consideration into man’s mind. Mischief is bound up [trapped] into the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline [thy rod and staff comfort me] will drive it far from them…[Train up a child in the way that they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it]

They even infect into man’s mind, ways to twist the scriptures and cause child abuse, by the lack of knowledge people possess when reading scriptures. They twist the scriptures to make God seem unfair or harsh, when in reality He is Love…real  love. The evil  ones, tell a man’s mind that you must ‘beat’ a child, when God’s rod and staff comfort us, try telling a child who is beat with a rod that it is of any comfort!!

Not to say we aren’t to be chastized or that a child should never be spanked, but the object of a painful punishment is to challenge the thoughts of the child to seek better choices, godly ones.. not to foster contempt and future revenge on others, but repentence from the misdeed and a clearer choice to want the rewards of doing what is right.

Spiritually we get spanked when as children of God we do wrong, but never with His intention to do us harm, rather His plans for us are always GOOD.

God is good. God is Love. God is willing that none should perish.. God wants all to come to repentence.[that is to choose right..His ways.. over wrong.. the devils ways] Devils will eventually be thrown into a prison – lake of fire- that they can continue living in but can no longer recruit follwers to…

We are here on this earth for a temporary amount of time, in bodies that are corruptible and will die.The spirit of the soul placed within our beings is eternal but will be judged by the choices it makes that are planted within our hearts and minds.It is a war within our minds to choose each day whom we will serve.

Since man tends to judge by outward appearances, is visual as some say, it is often negated or ignored that there is a spiritual world or dimension out there that we belong to, since we dont see it readily, nor do we know our own personal futures as we are trapped into the cares of the world around us, needing food, shelter and clothing and to do things that we can obtain such with.

Evil spirits readily speak to our minds continually, suggesting ways in which we can make this world our home and that the afterlife means little, so that we then tend to make ourselves as our own gods and stray away from seeking the Holy One who has another place prepared for us that is in eternal glory.

Such evil spirits, when allowed to influence a man’s mind continually, will bring about an imbalance in the man’s ability to make choices as confusion and chaos siege a man’s mind. At such a place of being so infected with wrong, the man becomes mentally imbalanced, runs on emotions and can become a mental patient. This is spiritual oppression.

If that continues to where a man then acts on such oppressive thoughts to where they control his mind  with such manipulation that the man loses his sense of free will, the person can become possessed by  those spirits and wreak havoc in the  lives of others and become a destroyer or murderer.

The Holy Spirit is departed from such a person, as they reject all that is good and holy . Such a person still can be delivered and spared by God, so there is hope for all who worry about their own salvation.. which  may be why we are told to work out our salvation with fear[of displesing God] and trembling.[knowing it is only by His grace we are saved and not by our works, lest any man should boast!]

We can not see it or comprehend what God has prepared for those that …love…Him… So how do we love Him? How do we know what He wants? How do we serve Him? How can we be sure of what we are doing and if it is right or wrong or if it will prosper us to endure to the end and thus be saved from it all?

The righteous can fall 7 times but the wicked only once.. so we know there is room for error on our part, but as for the cursed, their future is secure in that they know they are going to hell and have nothing to gain by repentence, so in their evil thoughts seek to take along as many as they can to go into that eternal damnation…

[Woe to you Destroyer, you who have not been destroyed, when you cease to destroy, you will be destroyed..]

The Holy Spirit of God is in total unity with God. The devil is the author of confusion and chaos. God is peace . The devil is not, nor are his followers who will bite and devour one another and any they can prey into, like lions culling out a flock.. ripping them apart and eating them…

But to all who received Him, who believed in His name, He gave POWER to become children of God.

Those who do not have any love for the Truth or God could care less about salvation or eternity.

Such are narcissists and sociopaths that have NO conscience. Hard to imagine such people, but they do exist! Murderers such as serial killers and dictators who oppress their people and have little regard for human life of those they hate .{ex.Hitler & Jews]

Such serve only themselves and feign concern for others , only as they can profit by them or off them. Such people can kill with no remorse and are known even to non believers as evil and dangerous.

They are those who willingly destroy and kill for any agenda that they embrace[ such as terrorists and suicide bombers] Those who possess a conscience that leans towards doing good and are concerned over right and wrong as the lost who need to be found and they are the ones one might say are ‘predestined’ to be saved as the Father gave such to the Son.

[ All that the Father gives me WILL come to Me and him who comes to Me , I will NOT cast out.’] so there is a degree of predestination, but consider the race is not for the swift…

A person can prepare and practice for a race, but still not win it..so there is more involved than just predestination. A long distance runner can go so far and then lose endurance and quit the race, thus never to be crowned a winner… so we can not merely say we are predestined to be saved and going to heaven no matter what..

We have to choose, be committed and do the works that are given us to do.Not that the works are a measurement of our salvation, but that while doing works, we become living epistles and can show others to likewise become aware of the great love the Father has for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us and we now must pick up the torch and carry on as He did .

 The Holy Spirit puts the desire to do right, into our hearts. We need to listen to the Holy Spirit and choose to serve God. We need to want do do the works He did and as we try and learn what is pleasing to the Father, we must choose to reject what caused us to sin against Him.

We must not be those who lead others astray, nor become instruments of evil in the destruction of mankind. We falter.We get led astray at times. We make wrong choices or react wrongly to circumstances.

When in the Lion’s Den, we may freak out- or- we can stand firm and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that the one who can destroy our bodies can not destroy our spirit…If anything we should fear only Him who can destroy both body and spirit…

Seeing the heavenly battle, knowing our enemy, not being ignorant of the devil’s devices…how do we know what to do?….By taking heed according to the Word of God that was made flesh and dwelt among us~ Studying the Word ~ not from a humanly beneficial point of view~ but looking for that eternal point of view~ God’s view~

Take every thought in your head  that enters your mind captive! Consider if they are good and will have a good outcome and what your motives are in embracing such thoughts.

Do not be double minded…How? Dwell on whatever is good, holy and acceptable and so on..

Put on the whole armour of God, that is to choose to follow Him, not religion [as religion is full of evil deceiving spirits, a haunt of demons~] but become assured in His promises.

He is faithful when we are not!!.. His ways are not our ways~!!… Samson was a loser to his custom tailored devil Delilah~ he was imprisoned, treading out the grain on a chain…yet when you might have counted him out of the race….he was able to do more service to God at his death than in all his life!.. so dont get discouraged by what you may have already done. Spilled water can not be gathered up again by man.. only by act of God…

That sinner on the cross, beside Jesus, admitted he deserved death according to all he had done in his own life, but before his death saw the glory of God in Jesus and that Jesus was innocent , so he testified to the more evil man on the other cross to stop mocking God through Jesus…

That man was forgiven eternally and rewarded with paradise. Just as Jesus spoke about the workers in the vineyard that some come in at the last hour and are paid the same as those who worked all along…God WILL have mercy on whom He will have mercy.. So we are not to judge by appearances but with RIGHT Judgement… There is only one Judge eternally..That is the one we are to fear and respect… That is the one who seeks our love and loved us before we were even born~!

BE asssured of the Father’s true  love for you.. He was never a cruel taskmaster as the devils would have you think! He loves you and wants you to love Him and He is able to hold you up in the hour of your greatest trial. Before you even enter into trials and temptations.

He already has prepared a way for you to escape the wrath to come…Jesus said His yoke was easy. A yoke is your burden, what you carry with you through life, whether in bondage like Samson or in peril like Job ~ it is custom tailored to clean out the impurities buried deep within your heart so that like dross being fired out of the silver, makes the silver pure, it is then fashionable into a vessel fit for honor..

That honor is eternal life with Jesus~ You are saved. It can be coined to be predestined, by those who can’t touch your spirit.That is the demons who influence your thoughts with hate that they can not destroy your eternal spirit and that God is upholding you in this life.

You are saved and no one can snatch you out of HIS hand…but the evil thoughts of demons may suggest for your pollution that you can do as you please which equals embracing their foul thoughts and leading you back into sin..

Each one is lured and enticed by their own desire[ the part of your mind that considers some earthly profit and momentary pleasures that displease God] that when conceived[ that is taken into account and decided on within your mind, to embrace and become one with= spiritual fornication= choosing what God said not to] gives birth to Sin[ which , when full grown[becomes your nature] brings for death[because you chose not to follow the Holy One but instead followed the lusts[enticements] of your own heart.

To be such a person, means you reject what God would have you do and willfully choose to do wrong. A person who willfully chooses to do wrong, without conscience, does not even care what God wants.

Such a person has a seered conscience and has rejected the Holy Spirit~ blasphemied in the sence of not listening to or yielding to what is right and noble in God’s way~ and a child of God, does not behave this way. As such the child of God does not sin.[1Jn3:6] but is remorseful and repents from such sins and then goes on in the race to endure to the end.

 The devils would remain as the accuser of the brethren, heaping guilt and self condemnation and other negative oppressing thoughts, to cause you to embrace own and give up on the mercy of God.That is their job~ to bring about your destruction.

 They are liars from the father of lies- satan- and will never tell you the truth, but are there to torment you into despair and doubt. They wiull encourage you to do evil things that do not please God. They seek to delude and deceive you. Look how such devils convince a godless people to become terrorists and suicide bombers, how their god  is nothing  more than an angel of light masquerading as god, giving them a form of  religion…  one of hate, revenge, power and elitism! You know who they are!

Doubt entering your mind is thought that comes from an evil spirit and a person who yields to Doubt will be led into captivity.

There are spirits , biblically known as Legion[for we are many they boast] with many traits, custom tailored to lure and entice you out of the way to bring you to ruin.

Not to say God can’t save you from them, but they can cause you to detour and take a harder path in life that is less glorifying to your Heavenly Father…

Remember those who lead many to righteousness will shine like the stars in heaven~! Heaping up spiritual rewards is what we are to be seeking to do…trying to please the Father…while our tormentors try earnestly to put our lights out and discredit and ruin us, trying to make fools out of us.

WE dont want to be those who are ashamed when judgement comes, not that we wont be saved, but that we will see all the time we wasted in idle pursuits where the devil got some browny points in being able to further disrespect God. Even the Prodigal makes it through~ God can save to the uttermost those who come to Him through Jesus…

 When giving into an evil, religious type spirit of despair, doubt or guilt ~ remember that God still loves you~~LOVES~~ not in the human conditional way, but in His way- Jesus is the way~ so REJECT AND RENOUNCE ALL EVIL THOUGHTS THAT CAPTIVATE YOUR HEART AND MIND~ Which is to REPENT- reject evil and commit to do right, according to HIS Word…

You are already empowered to do so through Jesus’ NAME…which is to reckon and decide that He is the way, the truth and the life and no man can come to the Father except by HIM…

Under no other name given among men can a man be saved. He is faithful even when we are not. Jesus once said ” O you faithless generation!’…fully aware of the hold the enemy has on man collectively, so that Jesus came to seek out the lost, individually healing people to demonstrate the power the Father has given to Him..

All power honor and glory belong to Jesus as our Lord and Savior, Mediator between God and Man, Prince of Peace, Lord of Lords~ over all. Never doubt your salvation.Flaunt it!! When the devil inspires doubt, despair or confusion or guilt~ RENOUNCE and REJECT it…

Guilt comes from the devil to bring about surrender and live condemned on earth embracing damnation, calling God a liar in that He cant save you that you are too far gone etc, which in effect is calling God a liar and leads to blasphemy of the Holy Spirit and hell.

Conviction comes from the Holy Spirit to bring about your redemption and to steer you away from the errors of your way…Never to condemn you but to bring you to repentance and into the eternal security of God’s love for you so that you can tell others of the wonderful love of the Father and be his witness.

Its not about works, but then again faith[cornerstone of trusting in Jesus] without works [still in bondage to sin] is dead [ because you cherish iniquity in your heart rather than God- who shares the throne with no one- light cant fellowship with darkness]…So be at peace with your maker, your Lord and Savior, enjoy salvation – your freedom from damnation and don’t let the devil steal your joy as you meet various trials as they only serve to make you stronger and more dedicated in your service to your Creator.

So it is not very easy to lose your salvation, because so long as it is day, the Holy Spirit will continue to draw you back into the light of God’s love and provision for you. If you were among those ‘destined’ for destruction your conscience wouldn’t be tugging at your heart the way it does… 🙂

GBU~! Ave

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First the devil said it to Eve… now he says it to Obama~!!


What If ?

 What about It?

What if you were in..?

What about?…

Supposing this happened….?

What if it happened to your child?

What if it happened to you?

What if it happened to a friend?

What if everybody else was doing it??

What if he did it first?? or she did it first?

What if you didnt get caught ??

What if God wasn’t looking…?

What if God ‘didnt care’?

What if God is dead?

What if God didnt answer ?

What if God changed his mind ?

What if man vetoed God?

Will God wink his eye because man made his own law ?

Will God bend his almighty will to the will  of the man who can say what if?

What IF the devil was right?

What if the devil has a better plan ?

What if the bible isnt real ?

What if you can do as you please as long as it is right in your own eyes?

Why serve a God who allows you to be tempted and tried?

Why serve God when you can serve yourself, you surely will not dier?

Why believe in God when you can take over the job yourself?

Why care  that others kill murder steal usurp deceive and even rule over you?

Why care about anyone other than yourself?

Why not charge God with wrong when that fictious child is raped?

Why bother with proof when you have plenty of supposition?

Why listen to the voice of reason when you enjoy your own opinions?

Why consider what Jesus would do when you can be your own Jesus and do what you want?

Why worry about the future as you are the master of your own universe!

Why not hold a form of religion, just deny the power of it !~

Why not do what’s right in your own eyes and back it up with convenient verse and law?

The bible says, that ‘There is a way that seems right to a man but it ends in death.’

‘My ways are not your ways says the Lord…’

‘Try to  learn what is pleasing to the Father…’

‘Choose this day whom you will serve”

“If God be God, serve him, if not serve …”

..in Job, the devil said ,”take away all that he has and he will curse you to your face.”

‘Jesus said the devil was a  liar and murderer from the beginning.’

‘The devil seduced Eve with “What if’s”….He does that to everyone…so that they may find fault with God and then become estranged  from God becoming prey for the devil.’

The devil tempted Jesus in the wilderness and tempts us the same ways as well…but Jesus rebuked the devil to told him to depart…

…to the pure HE[God] shows himself pure….

How do you seek God?

…to the ‘crooked'[those who seek to justify their actions]He[God] shows himself perverse[crooked].

If you *want* to believe that God is unfair, uncaring and not in control of the life you now live or the lives of those women /girls who become pregnant under various circumstances, then you are opting to play God by approving abortion!~ What else will you approve??

Each one is lured and enticed by their own desires…when conceived that desire gives birth to sin… which when full grown brings forth death!!

To compound any sin relating to conception with the choice of abortion is adding sin to sin by all concerned!

Can you elect yourself to be God?

Will he allow it? If He ‘stays judgement’ a day longer than demanded is that a weakness or a mercy on his part?

Medical abortions have been done through out time as lives were imperilled such as the fictitious scenarios such as of a child raped who conceived and couldnt birth…such cases have always been allowed to be medically supported and when it comes to choice between mother and child viability, decisions have always been allowed, some which result in medical abortions.

We NEVER  needed the phoney premised Roe v Wade to ensure rights of those medically needing an abortion.

Even the woman who posed before the law representing the Roe v Wade decision REPENTED AND SAID THE LAW SHOULD BE REPEALLED.

ROE V WADE  IS NOT ABOUT WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN RAPED AND ARE MEDICALLY UNABLE TO CARRY A CHILD TO TERM.

That is the carrot ,bait and justification used by PRO CHOICE brainwashers to perpetuate infanticide of the unborn.

Legal abortion is only legal murder.

The world is sick…the law most likely will never be  overturned..the innocent will keep being murdered.

Condoning it is become a participant of that sin.

It is being a co-conspirator.

When standing before God on Judgement DAy [if you believe in Him], you may be guilty of judgement resulting in hell, for embracing the seductive acceptance of abortions being  a woman’s right under any circumstance.

Most Abortions are performed for petty convenience..to take back a mistake…to correct the results of fornication and adultery.

Pretexted by freeing a woman’s body of the infections of rape and its consequences.

I sheltered a young woman who had an abortion who I befriended for a few years.Due to her ignorance and lack of self control and limited education, she conceived 2 more times and each time held off getting an abortion til she was far enough along  so she was able to use abortion as her chosen form of birth control! She actually had the audacity to go to church the night before having an abortion performed at 14 weeks gestation. She didnt tell us what the medical procedure was for. Later when I was told of what she had done and that it was here 3rd time, I confronted her and she said she didnt want people to think she was a bad person for getting pregnant without being married! What a lame excuse to kill a baby – to kill 3 babies! but Roe v Wade made it possible for her to wait til the last minute and get an abortion each time~

There have not been 40 Million rapes of 5 yr old children over the last 30 years who got pregnant and would have died without Roe v Wade!

 There have been 40 million ‘choices’ of women who have been co-erced into thinking abortion was an alternative to giving birth.

Unfortunately many women who otherwise would not want an abortion have been  manipulated and seduced into getting abortions as well feeling  they had no choice. I know many of these women who still have regrets and nightmares about their abortions and some who have failed to ever conceive again even when they tried.

Our generation has become so self indulgent, self serving and callous towards the rights and needs of others, including the unborn that we allow them to be discarded, murdered in abortion mills.

Many Babies are considered an inconvenience to the guy who likes to play around without protection…so let him just pay for the abortion,right?  That makes it ‘okay’??? It makes him irresponsible for 18 yrs of child support, thats all~

Let the girl who was too drunk to say ‘no’ or remember who it was she was with or how many she was with, just ‘erase the mistake’ by not bringing an ‘unwanted’ child into the world??????  

Adoption is too much of a hassle anyway???

Why feel hurt or remorse for giving a live child away when an abortionist can flush it down the drain and make it go away in minutes???

After all ‘out of sight ‘…. no one else would know and then you can resume your life as usual with no strings attached ??? That lie haunts millions of women today.

Many men have found it convenient way to get them off the hook…

Women too, have found it a convenient way to get themselves off the hook….as they are convinced more and more to not become mothers .

Others have found it a convenient way to not have more kids in the ‘system’ for taxpayers to raise….

What if those children had lived?

What if the mother fell in love with her child the moment she held it?

What if that adoptive couple was so thrilled and gave the best education to that otherwise unwanted child who later could have developed the cure for cancer or other diseases?

What if that aborted child had instead been given human rights to save him or her from abortion and protect it til it could have protected itself and allowed the chance to live and grow up to adulthood and prove to society his or her worth in this world we live in…??

What IF God wanted that child to be born, regardless to how it was conceived?

What if God is now only holding back his righteous anger and judgement over all who have been seduced into having or defending abortion as a woman’s right ??

If abortion remains legal, “Why stop at pre-birth? What if the child is ugly or sick?If you could have aborted it a day earlier but now wish you had, why not be allowed to as they do in China?”….

What if your baby cries all the time and annoys you? Why cant you ‘post-natal abort?'[infanticide]

What if you have postpartum depression and smother your screaming infant?? Why is that chargeable murder and abortion not??

God forbid~ both are murder….Abortion is murder…no matter what IF?

If you say or think that God is Lord in your life and still you say you believe and follow Jesus, dont ever link him to condoning abortion.That is sick!

 Jesus died for all those aborted babies since they are , at least for the few moments of their existence ~ part of the world that God so loved! More over they are innocent~!

Back in 1978, I went through an Abortion Clinic to remove a baby that died in my womb but hadnt yet ejected and caused me to bleed for 3 weeks. My doctor said I needed a DNC as I was becoming ‘septic’…At the time , had I gone into the hospital for a DNC I would have had to remain in for 3 days and I had no baby sitter for my infant daughter.I was looking for a faster alternative to staying in a hospital overnite.

My cousin told me about a nearby abortion clinic that could to the comparable to getting the DNC in ust one day, as same surgery  and I could be back home that night with my daughter,so I did.

It seemed like the right alternative.

I was wrong! It was a glimpse of hell and judgement when I awoke in recovery alongside 16 other women who had abortions that day.

Hearing the moaning and cries and rants of the other women, made me feel like I was already in hell.

One woman kept cursing out the dead baby’s father…

Another cried that she changed her mind and that she didnt want to do it… but it was too late… we were all in recovery.. the procedures had been already done.

When the anesthesia wore off and I left there, I felt dirty and ashamed. I hadnt aborted a live baby, butfelt like I had.

I swore to God that if I ever needed a DNC again that I would never stoop so low as to go to an abortion clinic again.

I actually felt the spiritual evil that presides over abortion clinics!!

If you support the right to abortion, your very relationship to Jesus is wrong and you are wasting your time calling yourself a Christian, unless you repent of condoning such atrocities and follow Jesus rather than man.

A medically necessary abortion due to the mother’s physical capability to continue with a pregnancy that will kill her has always been dealt with medically, individually with DNC’s and there never was a need for Pro-Choice Roe V Wade legislation.

Back alley abortions [the old fashioned term] were done as a choice and not as medically needed, usually by whores or women who simply didnt want children, not that there were any reason beyond convenience that they could have given birth.

Roe v Wade was said to be supposed to be ending back alley abortions, but instead has committed genocide of the unborn for the last 30 years.

No matter how politically correct it has been ingrained into you or seduced you may be , Abortion is never God’s will and not the answer!

OBAMA MAY BE ALOT OF THINGS TO ALOT OF PEOPLE, MAY BE THE NICEST GUY YOU KNOW, BUT HIS STANCE ON ABORTION MAKE HIM THE WRONG PERSON FOR ANY BIBLE BELIEVING TRUTHFUL CHRISTIAN TO CONSIDER VOTING FOR~ OBAMA VOWED TO PRESERVE ROE V WADE AS WELL AS TO LOBBY FOR LATE TERM ABORTIONS!

DONT VOTE FOR OBAMA~ HE WILL BRING JUDGEMENT ON AMERICA SOONER THAN LATER~

GBU~!

Ave

An answer to another blog asking ” Who can save you?”


Hi,
Your title was eye catching. I dont have sound on my computer however so I dont know what the You Tube is about, sorry~!

But the answer is the same for all people.Only one person ever came from heaven to earth to save our souls. He was despised and rejected, a man of sorrows, very aquainted with grief. He tirelessly healed the sick, fed the poor & preached the good news on how to be saved from eternal damnation, but most werent satisfied with his answers & then killed him.

Well you cant keep a good man down! He came back a few days later, stronger than before as he conquered death & rose again. Many took note &listened.

Still many more didnt and then started lying about him & saying he wasnt for real & try til this day to make him out to be a scam, but he isnt. He is real!

So those who hate him or dont know him, look for alternatives, rather than listening to him & embracing his solution for gaining eternal life & making peace with God.

Cleverly and with devilish inspirations, many ways were created to divert seekers from the truth. Then societal implications called for people to tolerate their differences while here on earth & forced acceptance of the false truths to dilute the one &only real truth, which was spoken by this man & those who were enlightened &followed him throughout the ages til present.

Now however the pollution of all the lies and laws have demoted him in the eyes of most men to that of a good person or one of many prophets, while he is the only way the truth & the life and no one can attain heaven without him, yet the love of most has grown cold. People get caught up in their every day lives &put considering him on the back burner of their minds & priorities.

Many have embraced lies for their own gain or by their own ignorance of the truth and have rejected him altogether. Unless they come to see the light, they will be forever lost in eternity.

To address this, lies claiming eternity doesnt exist, or that punishment for evildoers isnt real, have lulled many into a false sense of security in that they choose not to believe and for them it is then ‘so’.

The world continues on its way, with murder, hate, lies, wars, stealing, rape,&more & he promised to come again to take us away from this all, but we have to persevere til his return and we are to spread the word to others so that they can have hope for their eternal future as well. His name is Jesus & he loves you!He will come again & we will be saved!~Ave

How should we pray to God and when and what to pray for??


We all are to pray and are equally ale to come before the throne of grace.

Our salvation is the gift and we are told to pray one for another and to pray without
ceasing.

Let everything that  has breath praise the Lord.
Reminded that there are many hindering spirits out therewhose job it is  to try and stop
us from praying as we should, along with a spirit of doubt and others that try to prevent us from approaching God in prayer.

We need to first resist the spirits  to doubt and fear and trust like Jesus did when he said he thanked his Father who hears his prayers always since Jesus told us greater things can we do as we follow him, prayer being our greatest weapon against evil we are told to ask for what we will without doubt or being double minded as the double minded receive
nothing from God.

When I finally began to pray more effectively, it was when I was healed back in 1987 along with my sons when I asked a pastor to pray for us as I felt my prayers wouldn’t be good enough or maybe not heard. I doubted! I was double minded.
The Holy Spirit however taught me a lesson that day, that those thoughts that go through our heads that tend to prevent us from praying as we should are from the devil to cause us to doubt or feel too unworthy or be double minded with disbelief or prejudging God’s
response so as to not feel sincere enough to commit to the prayer itself and simply ask our heavenly Father that whatever it is, if it be his will and not my own if he would like when dealing with Hezekiah, not necessarily answer my prayer because of my words but to
answer it for his name sake and glory. So I had to tell God that I was experiencing doubt and tld him that I believed but to help my unbelief.. He did! I prayed and accepted God’s mercy, humbly and was healed.

If praying with the motivation to seek what is pleasing to God for the person or request of the prayer, as long as it is to place the decision into the hands of God while trusting in his judgement to be as what will bring him glory and honor that I trust him to do what is
right regardless to how I see it since his ways arent my ways etc., that it makes it easy to pray for a right reason. WE are reminded to examine ourselves carefully, check our motives and to pray with right motives. We can even ask God to give us that right motivation and cleanse our speach- touch our tongues with that spiritual coal of fire of the Holy Spirit!

For example, I wouldn’t pray for a new mercedes benz or a new color tv or for something that I am jealous of that someone else has.[like that old song from the 70’s]i wouldnt pray for worldly treasures or to satisy mine or someone’s quest for power or position, although for example if there were a saved politician [?}I would pray that God’s will be done
in his life and that he be elected IF it will give God glory. I would also pray that if it is not God’s will that he not grant the request and trust him over myself.

I would pray for revelation of his will for me or others or spiritual wisdom in a matter to do what would be best and seek God’s will in different situations. I would pray for forgiveness, mercy, direction  and strength to do his will and that even in everyday life as attempting to live peacefully with all men that he be center and foremost in my decisions no matter how trivial they may be.

It is easy when caught up in day to day humdrum to neglect to pray or to put it off or even feel inadequate to present requests and to make them known before the Lord. He knows anyway, but waits for us to ‘ask’. That sometimes means swallowing our spiritual and or human pride.

Praying confidently and while trusting the Lord is something we all need to do and embrace as we are all told to pray without ceasing.

It is always easier to humanly surrender our tongues to our own minds and thoughts, but just as his thoughts arent our thoughts, neither are ours since the enemy is a whisperer always adding in his 2 cents to our minds in seeing negative or the wrong way to handle a
situation which will easily supply us with justifications [ hath God saids?] in order to appeal to our desires & lusts and thus cause us to sin, disappointment and even despair and guilt.

The Holy Spirit will convict us of our sins in order to bring about repentence. The devil however will slam us with guilt and shame and cause us to run and hide from God, breaking fellowship with him. Once estranged, we become targets easily sought, so even when we make a mistake and sin, we should still run right to the father and ask forgiveness and try to make peace with whomever we sinned against if possible.

One of the biggest word assaults we get from the enemy is to use snap judgements and to speak without thinking. How many times when say my temper was flared that I would blurt out an insult at someone that wasn’t in agreement with me! I think we all have done such at similar times..but the bible tells us to guard our words and to let our speech always be gracious and seasoned with salt.. a spiritual etiquette that most lack at some points in their daily struggles.

Humanly speaking, it is easier to ‘snap out’ and condemn someone than to try to understand them and or speak civilly to them to resolve a matter. Pride and temper cause us to make matters worse when we walk away without resolving the matter.
Communications is everything nowadays and miscommunications lead to most of the problems we experience with others.A brother can be more unyielding when they have been wronged or perceive that they have been wronged.

Flip the coin and we are reminded that it is better to suffer wrong than to retaliate, so ‘honing in’ on our spiritual walk and relationship with Jesus is an ever learning process for us all.

We are also told to be slow to speak, slow to anger but that too is an area that most of us have been weakened to at some point.

With all this and what we say and do, ever idle word we will be held accountable for, as we learn to speak right and edifying to one another, we should also find it easier to speak to our Lord and to be able to pray without ceasing as we continue to resist the devil and
therefore the impulses to mis-speak that he readily supplies to slip off our tongues in moments of frustration anger or weakness.

Learning to pray as we ought also teaches us to esteem one another as worthy since Jesus died for each of us. Suffering a wrong rather than making someone out to be an offender by perhaps the way they talk or appear is also a consideration as we are admonished not to judge by the obvious appearances but with right judgement and told to get logs out of our own eyes before we attempt to pluck a splinter out of someone elses, so again
let everyone be slow to anger and slow to speak and lets all guard our tongues and continue to pray for one another giving thanks always and rejoicing that God actually made it all very simple for us to serve him when we do it his way.~!

GBU~!
Ave

A Word from the Lord Jesus to whoever will listen……..


Who will hear what has been said?

Who will yield to fulfill My Word?

Who will stand when I bring this test?

Do not lean to the left or to the right!

Do not hide within the pit of shadows~

Come out from the shadows-

Stand before Me and walk!!

Walk in My Light, I am the Way~

Pick up your pace to follow Me.

Look up and behold ~ I make all things new!

The shadows vanish before the brightness of My Light.

Walk into My Light.

Do not stray to the left or to the right.

Follow Me!

Do not delay~

Who is worthy to be My servant?

Who is able to come to Me?

He who doesn’t bend his knee nor wink his eye to the shadows~!

Do not turn to the left or to the right!

Do not turn back into the shadows.

Walk into my light.

I make your path straight and narrow- it’s true-

I gird your loins with strength.

I give you sight to see My path.

I make your lameness vanish.

You hear My praise in your heart.

You hear My Words pass your lips.

You see My works by your hands.

Your labors will not be in vain.

Vanity for all who stray from My Light.

No striving after wind as you follow Me!

Don’t look away-

Who will swing his sword to defend My word?

Who will stand with Me and speak My glory?

Who will carry his brother into the chambers of My court?

Who will take the hand of the blind and say , “This is the way, let’s walk in it, together.”

Carry My brother, shout My arrival as I come & I come soon.

I am coming for you who have not departed from the way, who have not strayed

into the shadows.

Keep looking to the light , My light.

Keep walking on My path. My Way is the only Way.

I will lead you, I protect you.

Do not turn to the left or to the right.

Do not be frightened of what You see along the way

and in the shadows.

I have brought you and paid the price of your passage.

Discard your burdens for I have lifted them.

Let go , let go of your troubles as they will not come with you.

They hinder you from your walk. They draw you back to the shadows.

Do not lean to the left or to the right.

Do not look into the shadows.

Follow Me~! Seek Me~! Look to My Light.

Do not yield to the taunting voices.

Do not call upon the past~

I am the same , today, tomorrow and forever. I know My sheep .

Know me~! Come to Me~!

Take My hand~ Do not resist My Holy Spirit!

Do not delay. Do not wait to bury the dead,

I am alive forevermore. Where I am My servant will be also.

Be with me~

Do not look away- trust in Me.

Hear My voice- Listen to no others~

Shut the door to the shadows.

Let night not overcome you.

I have overcome the shadows……

I have looked into the Light.

I have not strayed from the path.

I have not bowed my knee to trials.

I have run the race and passed the finish……

I know the Way and am showing you, calling you, leading you , guiding you.

I protect you . My angels encamp about you.

Do not listen to the voices of the shadows~…….

If someone commits suicide, do they always go to hell???


Does everyone who commits suicide go to hell???
I look back to the sinner on the cross next to Jesus. His fate was
sealed, he was dying! He still was saved by Jesus…

I don’t condone suicide.Of course it is wrong, but what leads a person to commit it is as important as to why they commit it.

Whether they succeed [in killing themself]or are spared [failed suicide attempt] is another consideration.

God is the judge, not man as to where they go.Most forget that and pass judgements on those who commit suicide, usually erroneously damning them to hell, because we are told in the bible to not judge by the outward appearance but instead with right judgement… If we judged by appearance then that sinner on the cross alongside Jesus would have certainly gone to hell, but scripture tells us that Jesus promised him paradice. I rather believe Jesus over man…

When I was young, I have seriously tried it many times myself to be amazed that I woke up alive a few days later!!!

Many of the health issues I have today are results from past attempts,BUT I am hear to tell about it.

In fact before I was ‘saved’ by the grace of God, through Jesus sacrifice on the cross for my sins, I believed God was dead!! Now I know better.God is alive and well and coming to judge the living and the dead some day.

It was the early 70’s and the Viet Nam war was costing more and more lives, immorality was rampant,drugs everywhere….morals wre breaking down, ban the bra movement along with the hippie movement.. decadence was coming into power in our nation as values dissappeared.

At my job on Wall St., one day a black co worker named Jack Gaddy was on the phone and suddenly, screamed and fell to the floor crying inconsolably. He received the call no parent ever wants. His apt in Harlem had a fire and his two children aged 2 & 4 had burned to death.

My parents home burned down the Christmas before and I was able to save my brothers and sisters along with my older sisters help. I had nighmares however, wondering what it would have been like had we left one behind? We had 13 kids in the family back then and it could have
happened. Now this…

I went to the funeral.

2 babies burnt to death in an apt fire.

Other co-workers went as well and we were told we were there for support and reminded not to cry.

I stopped in a bar before entering the funeral home and downed a couple of scotches to help me keep control of my
emotions…

The minister was very emotional and said ” No longer will these children have to face the hustle and bustle of NYC- no longer have to face the trials and tribulations of this world“…. [and on and on]

After the funeral, I downed some more scotch to keep brave as I had done before the funeral…

Seeing those little white caskets sealed with those tiny babies dead inside, I railed at God saying “How could you do such a thing?” as I heard echos in my mind of that poor mother and grandmother screaming inconsolably at the funeral,” OH GOD GIVE ME BACK MY BABIES, GIVE ME BACK MY BABIES!!” it still echoes in my mind today..

That could have been my mother crying…

That night I went home and decided to go to ‘mass’ as I was then a Catholic and light some candles.

I couldn’t shake the emotionalism of that black Baptist funeral in Harlem…Those words of the minister rang in my mind…I had never been to what I would have called a ‘Protestant Service’ , but 2 babies belonging to a co-worker were dead and it was all too heartbreaking.

I didnt want to face the hustle and bustle of NYC either!!!

I didnt want to live in such a rotten world with a ‘god’ that let little babies die, so horribly and felt if he didnt spare them what hope would I ever have???

I knew suicide was a pass straight to hell according to Catholic belief. I wasnt certain if it existed or if we were all already living in it..but didnt want to directly try it.

After the mass, I was up front in the church and lit some candles to a Mother Mary statue and was saying some prayers with tears in my eyes…

I stared at the statue when suddenly I actually saw a smokey like vapor take form around the head and a figure swaying all about the statue as it was trying to keep praying and avoiding this vaporish apparition

I became intrigued as this apparition took form and was  tormenting the praying statue of Mother Mary…I saw that with prayer she was withstanding this assault.

I blinked my eyes to clear them and yet the apparition remained moving about the statue as the statue began to sway from side to side while looking upwards towards heaven, obviously suffering and praying for relief!

I asked how can I resist the evil in this world , how can I escape it?

The statue looked down at me with a vaporous face that now moved and spoke to me! This was my first supernatural demonic encounter.

I thought it was Mother Mary~~~ I knew the stories of her appearing at Fatima  and such places to others and now I felt a strange peace that she was speaking to me~!

She told me that if I really wanted to leave this world that I wouldnt go to hell if I repented before I died

She said that I could go home, if I was serious, take all the pills I had in hand and shut my door- to let no one know and to present myself as a sacrifice.

To do it right, I was to be certain not to tell a soul as it must be kept secret or I could go to hell…I was to take those pills and then paint a picture of Jesus as my repentence~~

If I focused on Jesus that I would go to heaven

I had to obey her words exactly however or my sacrifice wouldnt be accepted

I went home and baracaded my bedroom door and took all the pills and began to paint a picture of Jesus.

I soon became entranced [by the medications] and struggled to stay awake painting this picture of Jesus, knowing I had to make it perfect since it was a gift for God himself~!

It became harder to remain awake, but I knew I had to keep painting.

It was a small painting and the paint got thicker and thicker becoming raised off the little canvas…

I kept making corrections and building on that face…. with thorns and blood… I couldnt get that image out of my mind, but I wasnt going to disobey Mother Mary

I was going to keep my focus on Jesus…. Hours passed…about 7 -8 hours since I took all the pills and began the
painting…

[[ I found out later after the fact, that had I gone to sleep I would have died~!]]

I could barely keep my eyes open but the painting didnt look finished..

Then a smokey apparition appeared over the image

I blinked my eyes to clear my sight… it stared back at me and the thorns suddenly merged upwards, formed horns and the eyes popped out at me and the mouth showed its teeth and chomped them at me~~~
I freaked…

It turned into Satan!~ I must have failed!!!

I took a palette knife and immediately scraped all the layers of paint off and looked at the canvas and saw what looked like Jesus in the shroud of Turin~~ eyes closed and dead!!!!

I put it down and then went to sleep…It was dawn.

I awoke and felt that I failed to obey Mary and sought to get more pills to try it again and do it right.

I was convinced I was supposed to die. After a few more attempts, I gave up and decided to live since I didnt die when I should have… { Jesus spared me!}

[[[It wasnt til years later that I realized that the devil comes as
an angel of light and this was in fact a demon that was leading me to
my death…

It wasn’t Mary, but a demon using her form…

 Jesus however knew that I loved him since I was young and spared my life
that day …]]]

Anyway several months later, I once again became dissillusioned with living after having been raped and beaten and date raped and more I thought about that last attempt and felt I should try it over..

This time I took 150 pills with a qt of scotch and a 1/4 qt bottle of vodka..

Again I was alone, living in my own apt with a roommate. I even wrote out a ‘will’ and goodbye letter for my family.

I took it all and technically died.

[Several years later in hospital, the doctors  saw evidence of an earlier heart attack, although I had never been treated for any heart condition up til that point.]

 I laid alone 3 days since my roommate went away for the weekend after I took all the pills…

I even had had a heart attack and developed bleeding ulcers.

I laid in my own mess from Friday night til Monday morning.

When I arose and realized my roommate never came home over the weekend, I went to step outside to find out what day it was and to use my neighbors phone.

I was worried about my roommate failing to return home and asked my neighbors to call the police so I could fill out a missing persons report…

One look at me and they called an ambulance..

AS I tried to argue not to go into the hospital, my roommate turned the corner walking towards us.

It looked like she was 3 ft off the ground. I thought she was a ghost.

I passed out and woke en route to the hospital. I was admitted for 10 days.

This time while in the hospital, I began to think God may be alive afterall and apparently had some control over life and death.

After a few weeks of being in the hospital I was released and visited a priest to ask some questions like why didnt I die…

He told me after 3 hours of talking, that I was forgiven and to start going back to church…I told him about the last time I went to church and Mother Mary telling me to commit suicide. He had no answers for that.

He agreed through the entire story that it was ‘her’ appearing to me til I told him what she said to do~

Then he went pale and I left.He said she never would have done that.

I was starting to realize that there is a spirit world and it affects us all…

I didnt go back to that church, however as I didnt want any more of those encounters with the “Mary” I had met, whoever she was…

It took several months til my stomach healed enough to eat regular food again and then I also resumed drinking.

I did however believe that God was now alive.

I still didnt know why he lets babies die and that bothered me a long time.

My roommate had moved away meanwhile and we remained in contact. She moved back upstate to care for her father who was dying from cancer.

I went upstate to visit my old roommate and was amazed how she cared for her dad. She remained there til September when he died, then called me to visit and I went over to console her.All I could imagine was if that had been my dad and I felt aweful for her.

She wanted to go to some churches that werent Catholic and I reluctantly agreed and that is where I was eventually led to meeting Jesus and getting saved.

I still was haunted by what I percieved to be God’s lack of mercy in how some people died but was now looking for some answers and started to see that it was the devil causing all the evil,so I began praying that the devil would get saved and that everyone would then get saved if the devil stopped bugging people..[of course I was wrong, but naiive]

I soon learned in my Christian walk that it wasnt God’s fault about death but that the devil, not born in the flesh, could not get saved and that
the world was about to change when Jesus returned.

Anyway, I found from those encounters and more to come that no one has power over their day of death!

Those who are successful at committing suicide, just as with victims of accidents or  violence, that it is in fact their time to go.  Never give up hope in the mercy of God!

I also know that when someone is in the actual process of dying, that time stops for them and they enter a spiritual state that seems endless,

I was there, more than once and have read and heard of similar encounters of near death experiences others have had.

During this time, as I did, people do talk to spirits and some may be heading towards hell.

Others can and do accept Jesus and ask forgiveness.

Some, whose bodies are so damaged are permitted to die.

That doesnt mean they are judged for hell as God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy, just as readily we can believe a person
can jump in front of a train to save another and they themselves get killed as being ‘a savior’, we have less doubt that that person goes to hell…

I believe that the common conception that suicide equals hell is done more to try and prevent some from trying to commit it.

God is the judge not us and if we are to believe that a person, so totally in despair that they commit suicide would automatically go to hell for it, that we are by way of logical progression, accusing God of being unfair and uncaring that such a person suffered in life and death.

God is able to save to the uttermost those who come to him through Jesus.

Some peoples deaths serve to draw other people closer to God. Some people are just so hurt in life that it seems unrepairable and God calls them home to comfort them.

It is appointed unto man once to die, then the judgement … not my speculations as to where they will reside in eternity according to my perceptions.

I know that I trust our God who ultimately is Love and
whatever mercy we think we can fathom to extend to another human being is nothing compared to the mercy he extends to us all.

In the old testament, various acts by individuals were wrong in man’s eye but counted as righteous in God’s eye, like Rahab the harlot lying to save the spies…Her lie wasnt to protect herself but others and it was counted by God as ‘righteous’… yet we are told liars go
to hell…

So it is clear here that God makes exceptions under various circumstances as written in the bible.

I extend those exceptions, that I do not understand, back to the wisdom of God and know he always does what is right.

I wont allow the devil to pull a ‘hath not God said’ thing with me and make me think a person is going to hell for how they died…

Rather, they will go to hell for how they lived! It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living god.

I can honestly offer comfort to all who have lost loved ones, of the hope I have in Jesus and trust in my God that the suffering in life ends at death and that only those so notoriously evil will have to face God and his judgement,

however those who forn whatever reason, became so distraught with the pains suffered in this life are often actually rescued through their deaths by God and then again, some recover to live longer on earth, while to others he says “welcome home children”…

Yet it is our duty to reach out to the lonely and in despair to help them and guide them into more productive lives.

Likewise it is our privilege to offer comfort to those who lost loved ones including those who died apparently by their own hand.

GBU~!
Ave

Forever Family 1975, Church of Bible Understanding 1976, Ichabod!


j10thumb.jpgAfter seeing some of the other posts I felt prompted me to write this long winded account of my memories from 1975-76 with a little added hindsight and as it unfolded, I saw it needed to be in a post by itself as some of the information I think might be beneficial to the newer members who have joined recently. [Some of this I already shared previously], some I think may help clarify some sentiments of when the transition took place and the deception took over.Some is personal testimony, but it all ties together.

When I joined in April of 1975, I did not see Stewart as the Head but saw Jesus as the Head….I met many who seemed to almost idolize Stewart back then, but I didnt. I already had experienced manipulative con men in my life and didnt meet Stewart for over a month after moving in.

I was already saved for 2 yrs and engaged to be married when I moved in ‘temporarily’ since the Westervelt fellowship on Staten Island had a fire when they were out witnessing and needed help with affording and furnishing a new fellowship…

I offered my house in Midland Beach but it was too small, so I agreed to move in a while with my furniture and money since I had a job, so I meant to only stay a month or two till my wedding that was scheduled for 5/25… I was befriended at work by Barbara Walden.The leader was a bright young man named John Bevilaqua.

I met and liked the Center Leader Dave & his wife JoAnn Rizetto. I used to try to find out how old they were and they would never tell me their ages… Dave would ask me if he told me he wondered if I would listen to him still? I was older than my years even back then since I grew up in a large family [14 kids] and so I was accustomed to large family groups in a house…one of the reasons I liked the FF and moved in.

Jesus was the leader of the early fellowship not Stewart although he appeared to be the physical representation of a leader and worked the fellowship into asking him to be, when you went down the totem pole to the newer members like me that were not of the original 100, but like a next generation, I saw Stewart to be like a bishop or bible teacher.

When I first met him, he teased me about my unwillingness to use an RSV to memorize my 12 verses…I didnt trust any bible at the time but my ‘King Jimmy’ as he called it…that also put me off on him a little longer..

I liked the little ‘nuggies'[nick name for mini bible studies] in the fellowships which nourished me and helped me gain understanding in God’s word… Not in the big lengthy studies Stewart dictated to us.They were so heady and we were so rushed to write them down with little time to ingest and digest…

The witnessing techniques were what sold me on joining…

I had been saved 2 yrs like I said and my way of witnessing was to carry a shopping bag of New Testaments[ “the greatest is love” book form of the NT and a large bible. I would ride the public transportation in NYC and sit next to anyone without a newspaper and open it widely so their eyes would have to see it.

I always opened to 1Cor6:9-10 the verses that the Holy Spirit cut me in half with when I was 19…then I would give the person a NT with a chick tract and address of a church…that was it. I knew nothing more to do. I thought only a minister could lead someone to Jesus.

After visiting and going along with the Staten Island fellowship on evening witnessing excursions, I asked for a copy of a sinners prayer as I wanted my fiance to get saved but he hadnt yet. They told me not until I memorized my 12 heavies.. which I did in KJV…and was teased for using it like I said before.

I wasn’t humanly impressed by Stewart and that helped me and maybe many others who joined during that era. Jesus was Lord not Stewart.

Stewart’s power was still limited more to when he was actually in your presence, like at Big Meetings and later at special center meetings.

The group was growing rapidly and he had to get around more often to gain a stronger foothold in the fellowships. He paid some attention to me when he saw me. I was told by a very dedicated friend and sister,Sharon Sullivan that I trusted in her devotion to Jesus, that Stewart had the ‘gift of discernment’ and I was curious as I wanted to know what he saw in me so I began to pay more attention to what he said and listen more at the center meetings.

At the time we still also went to churches sometimes. I brought the fellowship with John Bevilaqua as leader to Gateway Cathedral on SI since I frequented it before joining the FF. in the middle of the meeting, John stood up and said “WHAT SPACE!!” and we all got up and walked out.

I was really embarrassed at his outburst as the Pastor was teaching. Still I wanted to learn how to boldly witness and get more nuggies so I stopped going to church and learned my 12 verses. I got my button. I was so proud and wanted my sinners prayer and got it.

Immediately I went to my family and tried to convert all of them. My parents said I was brainwashed and told my fiance that he better beat some sense into me…He started to come to the fellowship and contest the meetings.I was still seeing him and leaving fellowship to go for drives and talk.

He was getting increasingly agitated by my moving in and one night was driving very erradically around the island and the Holy Spirit showed me his heart!

The Holy Spirit began to speak through me!!….telling him that he was driving the old bus route that his father used to take him on when he was young. His father died when he was 9 yrs old.

I knew nothing about my fiance’s father, but the Holy Spirit did!

It was amazing and he got angrier. He sped up and went passed Clove Lakes and I looked at him and said, “he is buried over there!”

He stopped the car turned it around and said ” who’s been talking to you? How did you know that?” [there was a cemetary across the street from the park~ he then pulled up by it and got out.It was dark. He told me to shut up , but when the Spirit speaks you cant…I began to walk and went right to his father’s grave!! He was flipping out by this point and said “How do you know where he is buried?”

I said the Holy Spirit was showing me…He walked away from me , tears in his eyes….

I looked around and in the Spirit, I saw a little boy behind another gravesite, sitting, sobbing telling God to give him back and to take him instead…I walked over to him and told him.

He busted out crying.[now this was a 27 yr old Viet Nam vet.. they dont cry easy!] I told him what he told God back when he was 9.. and that he was angry at God ever since for watching his father get buried and him still living..That was it for him, he said “Get back in the car!”…… He said ” where is that prayer?”

We drove back to the Seneca St.Fellowship about a mile up the road. I told him that I needed to be sure that he knew what he was doing and felt I couldnt simply lead him to Jesus there.

He came into the fellowship and before everyone he knelt down and prayed for forgiveness and asked Jesus into his heart! He started coming over every night for a while. We were almost at the date for our wedding but now the Sharon and the others were telling me that since he was a ‘babe in Christ’ that I needed to wait to get married and let him ‘grow in the Lord’ first…

Because of my experience with the Holy Spirit, I listened to the older brethren. My fiance came over for more evening bible studies but he didnt like the idea of postponing the wedding but he relented and still came by.

I told him that he would have to move in but that was not going to happen. He said he did everything he was supposed to do as to getting saved but that they were in fact brain washing me.They told me that I needed to go away for a while and if he was the one God had for me that we would be reunited and he would be stronger in Jesus if I went away.

Well that is another story. I went away, he left fellowship and we broke up..Anyway I was starting to think Stewart might have the Holy Spirit and when we were out witnessing one night we found a billboard of Moon and that he was the ‘prophet to the nation” so I repainted Stewarts name into the sign and brought it to the Sept1st Big Meeting.
I thought it would impress Stewart.

My new zeal for the fellowship was growing. I was leading people to Jesus! I was however having problems with some of the people in the SI fellowship as they wanted me to move to another center to get me away from my fiance.

I gave him back his ring and moved at that meeting to Wilmington, later to Center City where I stayed most of the rest of my time in Cobu working hard to be one of the early sisters to become a group leader.

Stewart used to come there when they had Center Leader meetings in Rem’s apt on the top floor. I used to spend alot of time reading the bible downstairs late at night and he would talk to me a little here and there, asking me what I was reading and thought of what I was reading and also about my ‘mother trip’ that I was notorious for.I told him how many in the fellowship didnt have money and were out of work. He said that was a problem he was thinking about and trying to do something about.

I told him how when I moved to Wilmington under Ernie Benczak,that there were 8 of us that moved there after the Sept75 meeting and none of us had any money and that we went without food those first several days. We all earnestly looked for jobs and when I got one, I spent my first paycheck on groceries for everyone. He said that all I needed to do was to feed myself and that the others could simply get their own jobs and feed themselves!

I told him of a visit I took one weekend in Center City and saw verses all over everyone’s food stashes and how ungodly it was as well as the selfishness and lack of compassion there was for those without money or food. I said I came from a large family and no one ever went hungry when we all pitched in.He agreed that communal meals could be a good idea.

He asked me if anyone helped pay for them and I told him that those who had money chipped in for groceries and those who had no money ate free.I carried that practice over to Center City when I moved there.

I told him I’d rather make a large cheap meal and feed everyone than to just go over to Dey’s Deli and feed myself alone, knowing others were hungry.

Stewart took many ideas from the concerns of others, they werent all his ideas. He did that with nuggies people shared with him too. He could enlarge their nuggie into a bible study , using concordances and life experiences.

Many other men have done likewise and started religions without the Holy Spirit. He wasnt naiive like most in the fellowship. He was in his late 30’s and a shrewd intelligent man coming off very fatherly and cool. Most of the fellowship was under 21, naiive and easy to manipulate.Many didnt know how to use a concordance. Everyone hungered for God’s word.

Many of Stewart’s bible studies had long lists of references to look up later on and often the verses didnt match the theme of the study or made the study hard to digest. I remember trying to go through a study that had so many odd references that I thought I wasnt getting it.

I was beginning to lose confidence in my own reasoning and abilities to hear the Holy Spirit when I read the bible and we all were being encouraged to not think for ourselves but the consensus was to start to simply trust Stewart since he had a pipeline to the Holy Spirit and that we needed further empower him and the church to put our money together to start a bible school or training center.

Come now let us reason together was now come now and listen to Stewart. We needed to get centralized and organized. He convinced the center leaders as they were with him from the beginning.He dazzled with words, in the bible and publicly bold and unconventional, very appealling back in the day…He was to be emulated.

Brothers wanted to be like Stewart.Sisters wanted to please him and become eligible to get married. He set the standards as he was wise and disscerning by popular belief and legend. He promised to do a new ‘marriage bible study’ in the near future.

We were already a fellowship now turned church and got the tax exemption and new name, but had to learn how understand the bible and to use it right and that it was accepted by most that Stewart being so close to the Holy Spirit, had to be the head [replacing Jesus in actuality] since he was said to have had discernment and part of de-stressing Stewart, so he could focus on writing bible studies was to free him from the mundane which included the plane we got him almost a year earlier [so he could travel quickly between fellowships and personally teach], since alot of what he sent out got watered down,[looking back that watering down was really the Holy Spirit watering us so we were mostly thriving spiritually when we had our nightly bible studies].

Stewart may have given many of the initial bible studies to the center leaders, but we had the Holy Spirit and the word of God is alive and active, so many of us were doing well, better with his absence, yet trust in him grew out of proportion.

So that was also why it seemed so important to get his kids back from Shirley, so he could be a right ‘leader’. Then it was announced that we would pool all of our money and give to each according to our needs..

All our debts ‘would’ be paid off collectively and food would be bought wholesale and jobs would be created. Idealistically it sounded good. Rem saw through some of it and after the announcement that Stewart was going to crown Gayle as Queen Esther, Rem split![but that is another story]

Now with verses like “My thoughts are not your thoughts…”….. I spoke to some brethren about it and it seemed the more Stewart was being revered, the less anyone questioned his teachings…

This was the transition time 1975-76 and the core group was loyal…and it was important to get Rem back for solidarity..a collection was taken up at a Big Meeting shortly before we started handing over our paychecks.

I donated $100- specifically for that telling them if Stewart didnt go out to Cali to get Rem that I wanted it back… I tried for a while but never got it back.

Each ran their centers a little differently. I remember in 75 before leaving NYC to go to the PHILI center, Dave R in NYC was really on fire [always loved Jesus and it showed!]and fairly good St copycat [with his mannerisms, baby Z and nodding head as he taught].. as well as Vinny diPaulo..[adorable mini St!]All the bros were emulating St in NYC!

It seemed the way to go at the time.NYC was run very serious. Phili was more laid back and even allowed music and guitar playing and when I for one , wanted to go away to visit my family, Rem allowed it. I didnt feel imprisoned but free to serve Jesus as did many who have fond memories from that era, because the Holy Spirit was with the majority of us in our fellowships.

I saw Stewart more as a human figure and not a king but while he was separated from Shirley I felt sorry for him, so that led me trust him more for a while. I was getting sucked in further to his trip. He was always with Gayle and the rumors of Shirley having accused him ahead of their separation, of being involved with Gayle never left me.

That was a strong part of why Rem left. I knew Stewart’s type ‘in the world’ but wasnt sure how to process this ‘so called’ man of God doing such things, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a while going against my better judgement as I was learning daily to do more and more.

One time he mentioned that he had ‘so many bible studies’ waiting to be typed out that he could be backslid for 5 yrs and no one would catch on since they trusted him so much. He knew that I was a harder sell and so he seemed more human to me when he spoke to me privately.

I felt I shouldnt judge him for his seemingly wrong behavior since I had alot of sin in my past and Jesus forgave me so I let it go until he said that. I held that in and didnt leave the fellowship yet. It did make me start to wonder about his relationship with Jesus however since it seemed arrogant and negating the Holy Spirit’s power in the lives of those in the fellowship.

That told me that he was already backslid or just a con man.

Like I said I knew his type in the world and now I didnt like what I saw. Still at this point I was committed to staying in the fellowship and wanting it to get better.

Then When Bob Hillendbrant replaced Rem, the harshness was introduced rather quickly to the Phili center.That was around the end of May or early June 1976.He collected our paychecks , announced the purchase of a dirty run down warehouse in Camden and closed the Center City fellowship. We scattered to other fellowships, some to Upper Darby, Camden and elsewhere.

Although I had been a waitress and also worked cleaning houses and babysitting, I began working for a couple in S.Phili who had a store and became lambs. They were on a tight budget so part of my pay was a small apt in the back of the store.

I took it and used it for a mini fellowship since I was already a group leader and I could ‘follow-up’ on the lambs in Phili and did..my boss was having a baby within a month and my hours increased, but it was a little grocery store with a pool table in the back and I was allowed to witness while I worked so it was great.

I told Bob how much I liked it and that it was such a great location. He allowed me to stay there but I financed it all on my own and had brought my own furniture there. I had a couple of sisters stay over a few times, but mostly I was alone.

I called Bob nightly and got instructions and names of particular lambs who needed to be follow upped. Then I would arrange for meeting places to pick them up for the Saturday night meetings. It was getting close to the 4thJuly Big Meeting which was going to be held in NYC.

I brought a lot of lambs to a center meeting when Bob announced the new deal..dont trust older fellowship and group leaders!! I was aghast. He was portraying older members as being into the flesh and that a new thing was happening that the lambs were the favored of Stewart and that the older ones had gotten away from his teachings and needed to go to NYC to be retrained….THIS  I BELIVE, WAS THE POINT OF DEPARTURE JUNE 1976!!

ICHABOD~!! THE GLORY OF THE LORD HAD DEPARTED…Stewart had gained total control of the multitude… the edge he needed to finally take over and the wolf in sheeps clothing was showing his fangs.. training up lambs to bite and devour one another~ demasculating the brothers, beating their flesh with the bible and brainwashing their minds…vconverting them into a work force that would establish his kingdom on earth.

By breaking down the older brethren, he threw them offguard as to who he really was as he got people to want to prove their faithfullness to Jesus by a new set of rules, his. Still MANY of those who loved Jesus remained, LONGER,  although many we smart enough to leave in the mid 70’s. . I was one of them.

Later I returned to NYC to my family and visited the COBU several times, because I missed my brethren…Each time I went they would offer apologetics that the place was getting better and that Stewart was going to make it right and that we all needed to come back and go through the training so we would be of one mind- sacrificing it all for Jesus to obtain that dream we all shared about preaching the gospel across the nation. Those who stayed or went back, did so wanting to be part of evangelizing the nation, but had to first submit to the new training… the brainwashing…the harshness… the degradation…so many went through it as their ‘reasonable sacrifice’ and many were later delivered out and continued serving Jesus… but the damage was done…

Our spirits were being raped by the spirits Stewart was controlled by and those who stayed remained captive to the whims of a devilish con man who replaced the Holy Spirit’s guidance with his own agenda, covering it with the form of religion, but removing the power of it from individual lives and spitting out those he couldnt break…

The Holy Spirit still spoke to many hearts so Stewart or those ‘like minded’ to him caused public confessions to find out what was going on in people’s heads and then beat them up with it as well…to cause deeper submission, compliance, obedience and alienation from the outside world.

Those who tried to make things right were battered spiritually and psychologically abused for years til they finally left, receiving ‘parting gifts’ of tormenting demons who followed many for years with spirits of despair,infirmity,hopelessness, depression,suicide,failure,delusion, confusion, religion, hate, anger, disbelief, unbelief and the rest of Legion!Many have sought deliverance over the years.

Many made it through, but how many didnt? How many souls have yet to recover?