An answer to another blog asking ” Who can save you?”

Your title was eye catching. I dont have sound on my computer however so I dont know what the You Tube is about, sorry~!

But the answer is the same for all people.Only one person ever came from heaven to earth to save our souls. He was despised and rejected, a man of sorrows, very aquainted with grief. He tirelessly healed the sick, fed the poor & preached the good news on how to be saved from eternal damnation, but most werent satisfied with his answers & then killed him.

Well you cant keep a good man down! He came back a few days later, stronger than before as he conquered death & rose again. Many took note &listened.

Still many more didnt and then started lying about him & saying he wasnt for real & try til this day to make him out to be a scam, but he isnt. He is real!

So those who hate him or dont know him, look for alternatives, rather than listening to him & embracing his solution for gaining eternal life & making peace with God.

Cleverly and with devilish inspirations, many ways were created to divert seekers from the truth. Then societal implications called for people to tolerate their differences while here on earth & forced acceptance of the false truths to dilute the one &only real truth, which was spoken by this man & those who were enlightened &followed him throughout the ages til present.

Now however the pollution of all the lies and laws have demoted him in the eyes of most men to that of a good person or one of many prophets, while he is the only way the truth & the life and no one can attain heaven without him, yet the love of most has grown cold. People get caught up in their every day lives &put considering him on the back burner of their minds & priorities.

Many have embraced lies for their own gain or by their own ignorance of the truth and have rejected him altogether. Unless they come to see the light, they will be forever lost in eternity.

To address this, lies claiming eternity doesnt exist, or that punishment for evildoers isnt real, have lulled many into a false sense of security in that they choose not to believe and for them it is then ‘so’.

The world continues on its way, with murder, hate, lies, wars, stealing, rape,&more & he promised to come again to take us away from this all, but we have to persevere til his return and we are to spread the word to others so that they can have hope for their eternal future as well. His name is Jesus & he loves you!He will come again & we will be saved!~Ave


A Word from the Lord Jesus to whoever will listen……..

Who will hear what has been said?

Who will yield to fulfill My Word?

Who will stand when I bring this test?

Do not lean to the left or to the right!

Do not hide within the pit of shadows~

Come out from the shadows-

Stand before Me and walk!!

Walk in My Light, I am the Way~

Pick up your pace to follow Me.

Look up and behold ~ I make all things new!

The shadows vanish before the brightness of My Light.

Walk into My Light.

Do not stray to the left or to the right.

Follow Me!

Do not delay~

Who is worthy to be My servant?

Who is able to come to Me?

He who doesn’t bend his knee nor wink his eye to the shadows~!

Do not turn to the left or to the right!

Do not turn back into the shadows.

Walk into my light.

I make your path straight and narrow- it’s true-

I gird your loins with strength.

I give you sight to see My path.

I make your lameness vanish.

You hear My praise in your heart.

You hear My Words pass your lips.

You see My works by your hands.

Your labors will not be in vain.

Vanity for all who stray from My Light.

No striving after wind as you follow Me!

Don’t look away-

Who will swing his sword to defend My word?

Who will stand with Me and speak My glory?

Who will carry his brother into the chambers of My court?

Who will take the hand of the blind and say , “This is the way, let’s walk in it, together.”

Carry My brother, shout My arrival as I come & I come soon.

I am coming for you who have not departed from the way, who have not strayed

into the shadows.

Keep looking to the light , My light.

Keep walking on My path. My Way is the only Way.

I will lead you, I protect you.

Do not turn to the left or to the right.

Do not be frightened of what You see along the way

and in the shadows.

I have brought you and paid the price of your passage.

Discard your burdens for I have lifted them.

Let go , let go of your troubles as they will not come with you.

They hinder you from your walk. They draw you back to the shadows.

Do not lean to the left or to the right.

Do not look into the shadows.

Follow Me~! Seek Me~! Look to My Light.

Do not yield to the taunting voices.

Do not call upon the past~

I am the same , today, tomorrow and forever. I know My sheep .

Know me~! Come to Me~!

Take My hand~ Do not resist My Holy Spirit!

Do not delay. Do not wait to bury the dead,

I am alive forevermore. Where I am My servant will be also.

Be with me~

Do not look away- trust in Me.

Hear My voice- Listen to no others~

Shut the door to the shadows.

Let night not overcome you.

I have overcome the shadows……

I have looked into the Light.

I have not strayed from the path.

I have not bowed my knee to trials.

I have run the race and passed the finish……

I know the Way and am showing you, calling you, leading you , guiding you.

I protect you . My angels encamp about you.

Do not listen to the voices of the shadows~…….

A letter to a pagan friend who doubts God….

Albert[name  changed for this blog] is an aquaintence who lives in my old town.Recently he lost his wife and has issues over God.

As our level of communication has come to religion, he told me that he is a pagan and worships trees…

Knowing this is because of the pain in his life and not perceiving God to answer him when he ‘needed him’, becoming a pagan is more a frustrated result of feeling himself rejected by God and so thumbs his nose at God by claiming to worship trees..

Albert is an artist and seems he has been fashioning gods in his own images…

He has claimed to resent the hypocrisy he met in Christendom, which unfortunately, is true in the churches today as religious spirits have dominated the scene and have dispersed wormwood to believers and poison many in the flock..

Not to give up however, as we who claim to see, must make the difference and reach out the lost and hurting and bring them the love of Christ, without being ‘religious’… a tight rope walk at times, but Jesus ate and drank with sinners, much to the chigrin of his contemporaries and showed us that we are to become all things to all people  in the hope of bringing them to Christ as Paul wrote of..

So what I am posting here is part of the discourses, as they unfold, to share, to edify, to be accountable with so that we all can learn and possibly help one another as we gain opportunities to witness for Christ… albeit it is mixed with social human stuff.. .but that is part of the deal too….:) GBU~!Ave

Hi Albert~
Totally understand and relate to where you are coming from. The Bible was/is misused by many if not most who used it to overpower others…I particularly resent the prosperity preachers...and those who think they can treat God like a genie in the bottle and ‘speak their fortunes into existence’.. all nonsense and gimmicks!

In and of itself however , the Bible has so much truth in it that I havent ever seen elsewhere!

I dont get religious, but I dont throw the baby out with the bath water either.. Historically Jesus was real [just like Mohammad?] and other religious leaders in pivotal points of history.Each had impacts.

The difference in Jesus, is he not only claimed to be the son of God, but willingly sacrificed himself for the salvation of mankind,

where as Mohamad was a pedifile, plunderer, rapist and unmerciful murderer… modern day or old days a lying, pedifile, murderer is still a piece of crap!

There was a teenage girl recently stoned to death because she liked a boy from a different religion! It just happened in northern Iraq.

Islam is barberism, unmerciful destroyers trying to conquer Israel.

But on the otherhand, Jesus only did good..made the blind see, the lame walk,deaf hear, healed epileptics, mental illness, demon possessed and so much more..

So just because ‘religious’ people have basically cornered the market on teaching the bible [to their own gain], the bible even spoke of them as hirelings, in it for the profit..Jesus called them hypocrites .
There are things in the bible that are explorable humanly scientifically and very deep and interesting.. hard to explain for just a man written book!

Like in Job their are scientific statements about the jetstream and rivers under the ocean!

They were only discovered in the last 100 years, so how could it have been mentioned in that ancient book ???

Or the earth ‘turning on its axis’ – while people still thought the earth was flat and that planets and sun revolved around the earth,

BUT in  the book of Job spoke the truth, scientifically correct!

How can an unschooled person from ancient times know such things as the earth rotating on its axis?..unless God through his Spirit told him or ‘inspired’ him, as the bible is said to be inspired by God????This offers more proof that the Bible is more than a mere book written  by men…

Some say Job was written before the books of Moses!..

There are also verses that indicate the earth was round and not flat, but people used to think the world was flat!! So how would a writer know it was round without a way to prove it scientifically?

There are little things tucked into it that predict things that have since happened and there is alot of wisdom concerning human nature in it that is applicable today… talked about pestilence, volcanoes, earth quakes and weather phenomenom that is only being understood in the passed century.

I look at it more as a survival manual in dealing with life and  people today and have gained a lot of keen insights from it, so I tend to think that maybe it was ‘divinely’ inspired and the writers were more like ‘ghost writers’ and granted, even with some minor language variations, reinterpretations and all, since it was written line by line, much of any bible you pick up will still have the same subliminal message which is a positive one…

So if God is real and the Holy Spirit speaks to some, he can and would protect his Word,why would he only go so far and not keep it as he intended it to be?

The bible no matter how many people have tried to change it, is still the same story and teaches the same principals on how to treat others and to get right with God..

So you can worship a tree,[bible even talks about that!!] climb a tree, plant a tree, eat its fruits, cut down a tree,carve a tree into an idol, burn a tree and when all is said and done, it is still only wood [or ashes]

Although it can provide shelter, warmth and pleasure to look at and even some fruit to eat, it is still after all is said and done a tree!..

It is a convenient or  good diversion and shield that some use to ward off facing deeper realities, but not uncommon…

Accountability is something we all need to have but many want to run around without accountability and act like they are the only one that matters, but in fact we are all part of the picture.

Everyone has a purpose…

So have any BBQ today? WE just kicked back and enjoyed .

James went out fishing and Kyle returned from his date.

I slept a good part of the day away as I was up all night online.

Now I am just getting ready to cook something… probably cheesburgers, but seems boring.. I was thinking that I should have picked up a cube of beer yesterday, but didn’t, so now I am bored….lol…not sure about what to do tomorrow…probably some art.

I dont want you to think because you choose trees, that I would try to get religious on you or try to convert you or something!

There is alot going on in life to not have to strain on certain differences of opinion and core beliefs..

Actions speak louder than words and you can judge me by my actions rather than any possible sterotyped Christian you have met...

I wish there were a better word to use rather than calling myself a Christian, since that name nowadays, is offensive to so many and  even leaves a tinny taste in my mouth sometimes..due to religion.. I dont like religion…at least all the hypocritical ones that turn so many off to God..

Anyway, are you making any leighway on your [artwork]??? How tall is she?? How are you making her?Is she wood or metal?

You aren’t the first professed pagan I have ever met…I have known other pagans..

Each gravitated to that because they didnt find the answers they were looking for in religion and said for the most part religion is BS….

[I hope I am not sounding a bit bipolar here???LOL}

It is just that in my life and mind and heart I have distinguished what is real to me and what is bull and I still ‘admire’ Jesus as a truly giving and wonderful human being when he was on earth and certainly very influencial after he left earth.. I think he was more than human and by the writings in the Bible fortelling his coming, his mission and what he accomplished, since all that proved to be true, thus far, I have more data to conclude that what he said about the future from this point in time on is also going to be true…the facts speak for themselves, Jesus has credibility, as does the Bible.

So I think I would rather believe in Him who has never lied that what he did and said/says can be proven, as opposed to those who do lie and can be proven as liars, like fortune tellers and other faiths, like Islam…

Since He also was raised from the dead and Josephus and Eusebius and other historical books have records of it, then he disappeared from earth, with historical accounts made of people seeing him go up into the sky, after making promises of a return, I have no reason, at least from my studies, to disbelieve since many of the prophecies he made for the times to come are in fact still coming true..

If he were just a man, then how would he be so able to predict so many things to happen in the future that have happened since his death and resurrection and are still happening and how well he knew human nature and always wanted to promote positive goodness in others trying to show them how to approach the real  God?!

Conversely, Mohamad is a proven thief and murderer and the bible even predicted that Ishmael was going to be a wild donkey of a man always at war with his brothers.. Ishmael was 1/2 brother to Isaac and was not of God’s promise so he didnt inherit but has been fighting against Isaac ever since.. Hagar his mother was an Egyptian and taught him her ways and hatred for Sara and her offspring!

That ancient rivalry is causing the terrorism we see today.

Ishmael is father of Islam/Muslims and Isaac is father of the Israelites/Jews and to this day they war against one another and Ishmael is still trying to seize Jerusalem the symbolic representation of God’s promise..
When I think about it, it  actually takes more FAITH not to believe than to believe in Jesus..

Have a good afternoon… [As time progresses, you will find that there are many facets to my diamond, lol]

I look forward to talking to you more .

Lady Madonnah[Ave]

Forever Family 1975, Church of Bible Understanding 1976, Ichabod!

j10thumb.jpgAfter seeing some of the other posts I felt prompted me to write this long winded account of my memories from 1975-76 with a little added hindsight and as it unfolded, I saw it needed to be in a post by itself as some of the information I think might be beneficial to the newer members who have joined recently. [Some of this I already shared previously], some I think may help clarify some sentiments of when the transition took place and the deception took over.Some is personal testimony, but it all ties together.

When I joined in April of 1975, I did not see Stewart as the Head but saw Jesus as the Head….I met many who seemed to almost idolize Stewart back then, but I didnt. I already had experienced manipulative con men in my life and didnt meet Stewart for over a month after moving in.

I was already saved for 2 yrs and engaged to be married when I moved in ‘temporarily’ since the Westervelt fellowship on Staten Island had a fire when they were out witnessing and needed help with affording and furnishing a new fellowship…

I offered my house in Midland Beach but it was too small, so I agreed to move in a while with my furniture and money since I had a job, so I meant to only stay a month or two till my wedding that was scheduled for 5/25… I was befriended at work by Barbara Walden.The leader was a bright young man named John Bevilaqua.

I met and liked the Center Leader Dave & his wife JoAnn Rizetto. I used to try to find out how old they were and they would never tell me their ages… Dave would ask me if he told me he wondered if I would listen to him still? I was older than my years even back then since I grew up in a large family [14 kids] and so I was accustomed to large family groups in a house…one of the reasons I liked the FF and moved in.

Jesus was the leader of the early fellowship not Stewart although he appeared to be the physical representation of a leader and worked the fellowship into asking him to be, when you went down the totem pole to the newer members like me that were not of the original 100, but like a next generation, I saw Stewart to be like a bishop or bible teacher.

When I first met him, he teased me about my unwillingness to use an RSV to memorize my 12 verses…I didnt trust any bible at the time but my ‘King Jimmy’ as he called it…that also put me off on him a little longer..

I liked the little ‘nuggies'[nick name for mini bible studies] in the fellowships which nourished me and helped me gain understanding in God’s word… Not in the big lengthy studies Stewart dictated to us.They were so heady and we were so rushed to write them down with little time to ingest and digest…

The witnessing techniques were what sold me on joining…

I had been saved 2 yrs like I said and my way of witnessing was to carry a shopping bag of New Testaments[ “the greatest is love” book form of the NT and a large bible. I would ride the public transportation in NYC and sit next to anyone without a newspaper and open it widely so their eyes would have to see it.

I always opened to 1Cor6:9-10 the verses that the Holy Spirit cut me in half with when I was 19…then I would give the person a NT with a chick tract and address of a church…that was it. I knew nothing more to do. I thought only a minister could lead someone to Jesus.

After visiting and going along with the Staten Island fellowship on evening witnessing excursions, I asked for a copy of a sinners prayer as I wanted my fiance to get saved but he hadnt yet. They told me not until I memorized my 12 heavies.. which I did in KJV…and was teased for using it like I said before.

I wasn’t humanly impressed by Stewart and that helped me and maybe many others who joined during that era. Jesus was Lord not Stewart.

Stewart’s power was still limited more to when he was actually in your presence, like at Big Meetings and later at special center meetings.

The group was growing rapidly and he had to get around more often to gain a stronger foothold in the fellowships. He paid some attention to me when he saw me. I was told by a very dedicated friend and sister,Sharon Sullivan that I trusted in her devotion to Jesus, that Stewart had the ‘gift of discernment’ and I was curious as I wanted to know what he saw in me so I began to pay more attention to what he said and listen more at the center meetings.

At the time we still also went to churches sometimes. I brought the fellowship with John Bevilaqua as leader to Gateway Cathedral on SI since I frequented it before joining the FF. in the middle of the meeting, John stood up and said “WHAT SPACE!!” and we all got up and walked out.

I was really embarrassed at his outburst as the Pastor was teaching. Still I wanted to learn how to boldly witness and get more nuggies so I stopped going to church and learned my 12 verses. I got my button. I was so proud and wanted my sinners prayer and got it.

Immediately I went to my family and tried to convert all of them. My parents said I was brainwashed and told my fiance that he better beat some sense into me…He started to come to the fellowship and contest the meetings.I was still seeing him and leaving fellowship to go for drives and talk.

He was getting increasingly agitated by my moving in and one night was driving very erradically around the island and the Holy Spirit showed me his heart!

The Holy Spirit began to speak through me!!….telling him that he was driving the old bus route that his father used to take him on when he was young. His father died when he was 9 yrs old.

I knew nothing about my fiance’s father, but the Holy Spirit did!

It was amazing and he got angrier. He sped up and went passed Clove Lakes and I looked at him and said, “he is buried over there!”

He stopped the car turned it around and said ” who’s been talking to you? How did you know that?” [there was a cemetary across the street from the park~ he then pulled up by it and got out.It was dark. He told me to shut up , but when the Spirit speaks you cant…I began to walk and went right to his father’s grave!! He was flipping out by this point and said “How do you know where he is buried?”

I said the Holy Spirit was showing me…He walked away from me , tears in his eyes….

I looked around and in the Spirit, I saw a little boy behind another gravesite, sitting, sobbing telling God to give him back and to take him instead…I walked over to him and told him.

He busted out crying.[now this was a 27 yr old Viet Nam vet.. they dont cry easy!] I told him what he told God back when he was 9.. and that he was angry at God ever since for watching his father get buried and him still living..That was it for him, he said “Get back in the car!”…… He said ” where is that prayer?”

We drove back to the Seneca St.Fellowship about a mile up the road. I told him that I needed to be sure that he knew what he was doing and felt I couldnt simply lead him to Jesus there.

He came into the fellowship and before everyone he knelt down and prayed for forgiveness and asked Jesus into his heart! He started coming over every night for a while. We were almost at the date for our wedding but now the Sharon and the others were telling me that since he was a ‘babe in Christ’ that I needed to wait to get married and let him ‘grow in the Lord’ first…

Because of my experience with the Holy Spirit, I listened to the older brethren. My fiance came over for more evening bible studies but he didnt like the idea of postponing the wedding but he relented and still came by.

I told him that he would have to move in but that was not going to happen. He said he did everything he was supposed to do as to getting saved but that they were in fact brain washing me.They told me that I needed to go away for a while and if he was the one God had for me that we would be reunited and he would be stronger in Jesus if I went away.

Well that is another story. I went away, he left fellowship and we broke up..Anyway I was starting to think Stewart might have the Holy Spirit and when we were out witnessing one night we found a billboard of Moon and that he was the ‘prophet to the nation” so I repainted Stewarts name into the sign and brought it to the Sept1st Big Meeting.
I thought it would impress Stewart.

My new zeal for the fellowship was growing. I was leading people to Jesus! I was however having problems with some of the people in the SI fellowship as they wanted me to move to another center to get me away from my fiance.

I gave him back his ring and moved at that meeting to Wilmington, later to Center City where I stayed most of the rest of my time in Cobu working hard to be one of the early sisters to become a group leader.

Stewart used to come there when they had Center Leader meetings in Rem’s apt on the top floor. I used to spend alot of time reading the bible downstairs late at night and he would talk to me a little here and there, asking me what I was reading and thought of what I was reading and also about my ‘mother trip’ that I was notorious for.I told him how many in the fellowship didnt have money and were out of work. He said that was a problem he was thinking about and trying to do something about.

I told him how when I moved to Wilmington under Ernie Benczak,that there were 8 of us that moved there after the Sept75 meeting and none of us had any money and that we went without food those first several days. We all earnestly looked for jobs and when I got one, I spent my first paycheck on groceries for everyone. He said that all I needed to do was to feed myself and that the others could simply get their own jobs and feed themselves!

I told him of a visit I took one weekend in Center City and saw verses all over everyone’s food stashes and how ungodly it was as well as the selfishness and lack of compassion there was for those without money or food. I said I came from a large family and no one ever went hungry when we all pitched in.He agreed that communal meals could be a good idea.

He asked me if anyone helped pay for them and I told him that those who had money chipped in for groceries and those who had no money ate free.I carried that practice over to Center City when I moved there.

I told him I’d rather make a large cheap meal and feed everyone than to just go over to Dey’s Deli and feed myself alone, knowing others were hungry.

Stewart took many ideas from the concerns of others, they werent all his ideas. He did that with nuggies people shared with him too. He could enlarge their nuggie into a bible study , using concordances and life experiences.

Many other men have done likewise and started religions without the Holy Spirit. He wasnt naiive like most in the fellowship. He was in his late 30’s and a shrewd intelligent man coming off very fatherly and cool. Most of the fellowship was under 21, naiive and easy to manipulate.Many didnt know how to use a concordance. Everyone hungered for God’s word.

Many of Stewart’s bible studies had long lists of references to look up later on and often the verses didnt match the theme of the study or made the study hard to digest. I remember trying to go through a study that had so many odd references that I thought I wasnt getting it.

I was beginning to lose confidence in my own reasoning and abilities to hear the Holy Spirit when I read the bible and we all were being encouraged to not think for ourselves but the consensus was to start to simply trust Stewart since he had a pipeline to the Holy Spirit and that we needed further empower him and the church to put our money together to start a bible school or training center.

Come now let us reason together was now come now and listen to Stewart. We needed to get centralized and organized. He convinced the center leaders as they were with him from the beginning.He dazzled with words, in the bible and publicly bold and unconventional, very appealling back in the day…He was to be emulated.

Brothers wanted to be like Stewart.Sisters wanted to please him and become eligible to get married. He set the standards as he was wise and disscerning by popular belief and legend. He promised to do a new ‘marriage bible study’ in the near future.

We were already a fellowship now turned church and got the tax exemption and new name, but had to learn how understand the bible and to use it right and that it was accepted by most that Stewart being so close to the Holy Spirit, had to be the head [replacing Jesus in actuality] since he was said to have had discernment and part of de-stressing Stewart, so he could focus on writing bible studies was to free him from the mundane which included the plane we got him almost a year earlier [so he could travel quickly between fellowships and personally teach], since alot of what he sent out got watered down,[looking back that watering down was really the Holy Spirit watering us so we were mostly thriving spiritually when we had our nightly bible studies].

Stewart may have given many of the initial bible studies to the center leaders, but we had the Holy Spirit and the word of God is alive and active, so many of us were doing well, better with his absence, yet trust in him grew out of proportion.

So that was also why it seemed so important to get his kids back from Shirley, so he could be a right ‘leader’. Then it was announced that we would pool all of our money and give to each according to our needs..

All our debts ‘would’ be paid off collectively and food would be bought wholesale and jobs would be created. Idealistically it sounded good. Rem saw through some of it and after the announcement that Stewart was going to crown Gayle as Queen Esther, Rem split![but that is another story]

Now with verses like “My thoughts are not your thoughts…”….. I spoke to some brethren about it and it seemed the more Stewart was being revered, the less anyone questioned his teachings…

This was the transition time 1975-76 and the core group was loyal…and it was important to get Rem back for solidarity..a collection was taken up at a Big Meeting shortly before we started handing over our paychecks.

I donated $100- specifically for that telling them if Stewart didnt go out to Cali to get Rem that I wanted it back… I tried for a while but never got it back.

Each ran their centers a little differently. I remember in 75 before leaving NYC to go to the PHILI center, Dave R in NYC was really on fire [always loved Jesus and it showed!]and fairly good St copycat [with his mannerisms, baby Z and nodding head as he taught].. as well as Vinny diPaulo..[adorable mini St!]All the bros were emulating St in NYC!

It seemed the way to go at the time.NYC was run very serious. Phili was more laid back and even allowed music and guitar playing and when I for one , wanted to go away to visit my family, Rem allowed it. I didnt feel imprisoned but free to serve Jesus as did many who have fond memories from that era, because the Holy Spirit was with the majority of us in our fellowships.

I saw Stewart more as a human figure and not a king but while he was separated from Shirley I felt sorry for him, so that led me trust him more for a while. I was getting sucked in further to his trip. He was always with Gayle and the rumors of Shirley having accused him ahead of their separation, of being involved with Gayle never left me.

That was a strong part of why Rem left. I knew Stewart’s type ‘in the world’ but wasnt sure how to process this ‘so called’ man of God doing such things, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a while going against my better judgement as I was learning daily to do more and more.

One time he mentioned that he had ‘so many bible studies’ waiting to be typed out that he could be backslid for 5 yrs and no one would catch on since they trusted him so much. He knew that I was a harder sell and so he seemed more human to me when he spoke to me privately.

I felt I shouldnt judge him for his seemingly wrong behavior since I had alot of sin in my past and Jesus forgave me so I let it go until he said that. I held that in and didnt leave the fellowship yet. It did make me start to wonder about his relationship with Jesus however since it seemed arrogant and negating the Holy Spirit’s power in the lives of those in the fellowship.

That told me that he was already backslid or just a con man.

Like I said I knew his type in the world and now I didnt like what I saw. Still at this point I was committed to staying in the fellowship and wanting it to get better.

Then When Bob Hillendbrant replaced Rem, the harshness was introduced rather quickly to the Phili center.That was around the end of May or early June 1976.He collected our paychecks , announced the purchase of a dirty run down warehouse in Camden and closed the Center City fellowship. We scattered to other fellowships, some to Upper Darby, Camden and elsewhere.

Although I had been a waitress and also worked cleaning houses and babysitting, I began working for a couple in S.Phili who had a store and became lambs. They were on a tight budget so part of my pay was a small apt in the back of the store.

I took it and used it for a mini fellowship since I was already a group leader and I could ‘follow-up’ on the lambs in Phili and boss was having a baby within a month and my hours increased, but it was a little grocery store with a pool table in the back and I was allowed to witness while I worked so it was great.

I told Bob how much I liked it and that it was such a great location. He allowed me to stay there but I financed it all on my own and had brought my own furniture there. I had a couple of sisters stay over a few times, but mostly I was alone.

I called Bob nightly and got instructions and names of particular lambs who needed to be follow upped. Then I would arrange for meeting places to pick them up for the Saturday night meetings. It was getting close to the 4thJuly Big Meeting which was going to be held in NYC.

I brought a lot of lambs to a center meeting when Bob announced the new deal..dont trust older fellowship and group leaders!! I was aghast. He was portraying older members as being into the flesh and that a new thing was happening that the lambs were the favored of Stewart and that the older ones had gotten away from his teachings and needed to go to NYC to be retrained….THIS  I BELIVE, WAS THE POINT OF DEPARTURE JUNE 1976!!

ICHABOD~!! THE GLORY OF THE LORD HAD DEPARTED…Stewart had gained total control of the multitude… the edge he needed to finally take over and the wolf in sheeps clothing was showing his fangs.. training up lambs to bite and devour one another~ demasculating the brothers, beating their flesh with the bible and brainwashing their minds…vconverting them into a work force that would establish his kingdom on earth.

By breaking down the older brethren, he threw them offguard as to who he really was as he got people to want to prove their faithfullness to Jesus by a new set of rules, his. Still MANY of those who loved Jesus remained, LONGER,  although many we smart enough to leave in the mid 70’s. . I was one of them.

Later I returned to NYC to my family and visited the COBU several times, because I missed my brethren…Each time I went they would offer apologetics that the place was getting better and that Stewart was going to make it right and that we all needed to come back and go through the training so we would be of one mind- sacrificing it all for Jesus to obtain that dream we all shared about preaching the gospel across the nation. Those who stayed or went back, did so wanting to be part of evangelizing the nation, but had to first submit to the new training… the brainwashing…the harshness… the degradation…so many went through it as their ‘reasonable sacrifice’ and many were later delivered out and continued serving Jesus… but the damage was done…

Our spirits were being raped by the spirits Stewart was controlled by and those who stayed remained captive to the whims of a devilish con man who replaced the Holy Spirit’s guidance with his own agenda, covering it with the form of religion, but removing the power of it from individual lives and spitting out those he couldnt break…

The Holy Spirit still spoke to many hearts so Stewart or those ‘like minded’ to him caused public confessions to find out what was going on in people’s heads and then beat them up with it as well…to cause deeper submission, compliance, obedience and alienation from the outside world.

Those who tried to make things right were battered spiritually and psychologically abused for years til they finally left, receiving ‘parting gifts’ of tormenting demons who followed many for years with spirits of despair,infirmity,hopelessness, depression,suicide,failure,delusion, confusion, religion, hate, anger, disbelief, unbelief and the rest of Legion!Many have sought deliverance over the years.

Many made it through, but how many didnt? How many souls have yet to recover?

What do you say to a woman who is in an abusive relationship with a narcissist?

brentons-waterfalls-5.jpgThis is long but I want you to read it all…WE each compare our abusers and think the others abuser is always worse than our abuser , while we are still not convinced to end our abusive relationships..

We look for help that we filter into two parts of our thinking in order to justify whichever path we choose, to stay with him or leave him or to take a break and let him back later on.. The road is twisted and winding and we each have alot of baggage to drag along and sometimes forget which road we are on or if we are coming or going.. .since after all we are under the spell of our abuser…..

The more I saw the ‘signs’ in mine[abuser], and heard the advice from others to ‘get out’ ..

I refused to believe and thought if I can love/believe enough that it will get better; and try harder that I can make it all work and no matter how bad it got I just kept trying ove rand over and over and over and over….I then would get tired after several years at a clip and leave but so miss him that I would delude myself futher into thinking it wasnt as bad as I thought or said it was..

I would then polish my memory[revisionist history,coverups etc] to make it seem like I looked at it all wrong and then even would blame myself for whatever happened and then he somehow had a sixth sense and he would suddenly show up when I was again vulnerable and we would start over and over and over and over..

He’d make his promises and promises and promises… He was the same, he never kept any promises..I’d hear a whole repetoire of excuses, old and new and would have a series of behaviors I could choose to respond to…. violence was one…..and when that door closed as I sought legal help I was still willing to accept him and be with him as long as he didnt physically hurt me anymore or get drunk as he used to…. Instead he was logical, methodical and verbally assailing.

So his game plan changed. He started more working more on my mind and environment, making himself indespensible… starting a bejillion projects that only he could finish… but never did.. ran me into financial ruin… again and again and again…would allow me time to bounce back and even ‘act repentent’ at times when he’d return from any absence, short o long and sheepishly worm his way in and even let me think I was in control…for a time and then start tearing my life apart again and again and again….

He switched gears as the kids got older.. would act normal to me and ‘pretend to be teaching’ them things a father needs to teach and effectively pitted one against the other traingulating and dissecting the family into allies and foes that often traded hats as his mood changed or if he was losing ground with one source and bouncing to the next gaining renewed strength through one child over another or all against me and so on, taking turns and keeping us all off guard.

I did this dance for over 26 years and my feet hurt!!! I may never dance again!! I finally got off his merry-go-round/dance and am free for 5 yrs now…

Regrets??? That I didnt stop the dance/or ride 26 yrs ago when everyone warned me and the sick part is that I opposed myself in order to be with him…

I went against my own better judgement every time in the bizarre hopes that ‘this time will be different’… I was addicted to him like an alcoholic is to cheap wine! I found every excuse I could to remain in the situation….

In the end, he wasnt satisfied anymore and there were no things that pleased him any more.

My health deteriorated mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually- the lemon was squeezed dry!! All I looked forward to was death to free me from his malicious grasp.. thinking I hadn’t the strength left to bother breaking away as I saw no future beyond him…

It took me a total of 14 yrs to break away[people sometimes serve less time for murder!]…back and forth…divorce initiation, put on hold in the hopes he would change .. living apart for 7 years but he still came back almost daily to walk to and fro and take whatever amused him for the moment, even to just taunt and torment me..

The only ‘energy source’ he had left to feed off me was my will to live and he was slowly draining that out bit by bit….I knew it and let it happen. I went down the pit of the well to the bottom with him..

I still lied to myself and thought that once we hit bottom that there was no way to go but up and that he owed me so much in every way at that point that to let him go would mean I would get nothing in return. That also made me hang on longer.

When I was at the bottom I even had to help him seek a new energy source! [ a new wife]

I had gone as far as ‘the divorce’, yet he didnt acknowledge it for 2 more yrs telling me that he ‘owned me’ and since I had no outside help as I burned my own bridges as I went through this macabre dance to win his love which never existed!

It finally came that to have nothing was more than I had with him.

Nothing started to look good…

I then worked my way into helping him finish his destruction of me, so he had to move on to a new energy source and finally I was free. He met a woman online that didnt want a husband as we would think, but a man to be her dependent as she is in the military and gets paid extra to have a dependent, so a money deal was born and he naturally jumped at the chance and is finally gone.[Ironically, she was more like him than he thought and she now controls him!]

Starting over with nothing, I was in deep depression for a time lingering at the bottom of the pit of the well… and so one day started to crawl one step at a time til I was able to crawl out of that well and see the light….I was weak worn out and old but I was finally free…

It wasnt as comforting as I had dreamed it would be as I was fightened alone and ruined.. but then I looked to serve others doing volunteer jobs and getting out into the world again, as I was used to serving him and they took less from me than he did so I learned to float on top of the waters for a time as I looked for dry land and reached the shores.. From then on it was baby steps in getting my life back..I found that I could start over and did.

It has taken me 5 yrs and I am emotionally, spiritually and mentally well again and can recognize evil now when I see it and flee! I don’t surrender my soul to anyone on earth anymore.

Physically I am still disabled but gaining ground and starting to live again. I am surviving and doing well for the most part. I am at peace and doing things that I like and was deprived of all the years I was with him. Life is brighter and meaningful. I have a good relationship with God and my children, who are now grown and on their own with their own families.

I lived through hell on earth and have no one else to blame… I let him abuse me and use me .. looking back I could have gotten out many times before but Iwas too fearful .

Had I not been so fearful of being alone when I was younger and more attractive and had a chance of meeting someone who could have loved me, I waited it out and will probably remain alone for the rest of my life…

I am here to share my story with you to consider rather than to tell you what you should do, since I lived perhaps 5 different lives with this man and true, I survived it all [barely] and can empathize with anyone like yourself, who is on that same path I once was on.

I know I can’t tell you to run and dont look back, because that might give you the strength to stay a while longer with your abuser and I dont want to offer anything that would enable you to convince yourself that ‘your’s isnt that bad or wouldnt go that far with you and enable you to continue in your delusion as it is your delusion. I wouldnt do that to you!

You say you want help but deep inside you want a reason to stay with him and change him so you can get back what you lost.


You will never get back from him what he already took from your soul.

You have to take back your soul and go through the emptiness and find new things to fill it with, not things you continue to let him steal away.

You have to break free and face your own addiction to him and break free from that.

That is the hardest part since it remains in present tense always.It feels easier to focus on blaming him for things and wanting to talk about possibly setting yourself free, but there is a part in you [in us all] that longs for him to love you still and make it all right , to make the suffering have a purpose and a reward.

There are no rewards in staying with him or letting him back into the drivers seat of your life! There is only cutting your losses and burying the relationship. It never was alive anyway.

You are in love with a dead man, one incapable of doing anything good or wholesome that will help you to improve as a human being, but further infecting your life with pain.

So you can choose to stay on that macabre merry-go -round and keep missing that golden ring forever , or get off and find a different ride….

You can waste your life, spend your youth [ you will never again be any younger than you are today] and you can hide away from those who see it happening to you, isolate yourself from friends and family and resources, you can surrender whatever identity and self respect may still be tucked inside of you and lie to yourself and stay with him, OR YOU CAN GET OFF THE BUS AND START A NEW LIFE!! It wont be easy, but it wont be as hard as continuing to let him drain your life out of you~like a vampire.

It will take time, you will feel empty, lonely and disoriented for a time, BUT that is only temporary and you will rise again at your own pace and you can live again in peace, contentment, accomplishment and even meet a new love when you finish unloading the baggage he injected like formaldehyde into your heart.

You can do a whole lot better if you choose this day to free yourself and stop listening to those thoughts that roam in your head about staying with him any longer. Fight the impulses and set yourself free!

I didnt take back my freedom until there was nothing left. I regret that I didnt, but I am glad I finally did get free.

I am still a Christian and still love God.. for years my excuse in staying with him was that bible verse about God hating divorce… a strong excuse.. as I also had to overcome separating myself with him as being equal in my mind to separating from God… It wasnt!

WE are called to peace and God doesnt want anyone living like this either, so I dont know what your beliefs are and am not saying they have to be like mine, there are other people here that have the same experience outside of religious beliefs and still come to the same conclusion!~

So ‘good luck’ and I hope you find and give yourself what will make you happy instead of settling for less…and less and less and less… til you are gone.
For me, it was the grace of God that picked me up and set my feet on that dry ground and it was renewing my devotion to God by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit that opened my eyes to see what it was I had allowed myself to live in and as all these years.

I know now that today is the first day of the BEST of my life and embrace each day in freedom as a gift from God and now Jesus is first in my life and protects me from men that abuse and keeps me safe.
I am back to doing my artwork again and even set up a little website that perhaps I can develop into a business one day, for now I am posting my art there in prints and notecards, to share them with others. My website is and my healing has been in part due to my keeping busy with an activity, my art and my faith, my volunteerism, my family.My life has alot of blessings that keep me going stronger every day.

So set yourself free, find something youa re good at and do it. Your life will be more fulfilling and happy if you do!


The way “Some” things are….

The way some are:

Some make mistakes in life and some pay for them, now or later.

Some have been lucky and gotten away with alot of wrong doing.

Some have willfully hurt one another and shrugged off their responsibilities.

Some think they can do as they please without regard to how it effects others.

Some think more highly of themselves by butting

into things they shouldnt or passing judgements they have no right to make.

Some should take an honest look in the mirror and shut their mouths.

Some should speak up.

Some fail to realize that their lives may be blessed more than some and gain

without merit.

Some forget their own faults, because they are ‘too busy ‘looking at some others.

Some live corrupt and like it.

Some just live.

Some go to church ,but don’t obey God.

Some don’t go to church ,but do obey God.

Some think they are better than others.

Some think wrong.

Some think they arent better than others.

Some think right.

Some think they know it all.

Some know they don’t.

Some cheat. Some are cheated. Some don’t.

Some live in darkness.

Some cast stones but aren’t without sin.

Some are warped ,

but hide behind considered success.

Some fail to appreciate

the important things in life.

Some think they are right.

Some know they aren’t.

Some are narrow minded, bigotted and racist.

Some are fools. Some aren’t.

Some pretend to have it all together but inwardly are bitter, cynical and ungrateful.

Some think money

can buy them out of trouble,

but it remains in their heart.

Some have rotten hearts.

Some lay up treasures in earth.

Some know better.

Some use the wrong standards to judge by.

Some haven’t a clue. Some do.

Some never grow up.

Some grow up too soon.

Some don’t know who they are. Some do.

Some don’t know what they are doing.

Some don’t know their purpose in life.

Some think this is as good as it gets.

Some think it can’t get any worse.

Some believe in anything they want to satisfy their own lusts, wants or desires.

Some enjoy hurting others. Some don’t.

Some are malicious. Some aren’t.

Some say that a fool delights in expressing his own opinion.

Some lack good character.Some don’t.

Some lack integrity. Some don’t.

Some lack a true relationship with God.

Some may fool others but not God.

Some think ‘What mom doesn’t know, doesn’t hurt her’.

Some don’t care…..Some do.

Some Words are powerful.

Life and death is in the power of the tongue.

Words destroy countries, governments, family, friends.

Some should not speak.

Some should speak up!

Some forget where and what they came from.

Some don’t know ‘who’ they really are.

Some don’t know why.Some do.

Some wonder what you gain by hurting others.

Some don’t get the Golden Rule.

Some think religion will save them..

Some people are ‘plastic.’

Some are genuine.

Some rather suffer and give.

Some rather be malicious.

Some like deception, treachery and lies. Some don’t.

Some live through others. Some don’t.

Some are good natured.Some aren’t.

Some give out of need. sacrificially.

Some give out of abundance and no sacrifice.

God looks in the heart, mind and soul. God judges.

Some betray for a share of the profit.

Some hold a confidence.

Some have different priorities in life.

Some have different dreams.

Some have no dreams.

Some have hope. Some have none.

Some steal the hopes of others.

Some have different luck or birth right.

Some value life. Some don’t.

Some thank God. Some don’t.

Some are sincere. Some aren’t.

Some ‘wink ‘the eye at wrong doing.

Some have no shame.

Some are arrogant, rude,loveless.

Some aren’t worth it. Some are.

Some are manipulative. Some choose not to be.

Some are proud and boastful.

Some are haughty and deceptive.

Some have it all, or so they think.

Some think wrong.

Some can’t admit.

Some bring shame.

Some are shameless.

Some are forgiven.

Some do not forgive.

Some blame others.

Some take the blame for others.

Some are guilty. Some sell out.

Some do their best.

Some do their worst.

Some help. Some don’t.

Some look down on others.

Some look up to others.

Some kick when your are down.

Some lend a hand up.

Some’s importance is delusion.

Some’s humbleness is of good character.

Some have no character.

Some believe in Jesus.

Some believe in the devil,

Some require praise.Some deserve it.Some don’t.

Some seek the best for themselves.

Some seek the best for others.

Some lay down their life for a friend. Some take it.

Some deserve accountablity for their actions.Some don’t.

Some wonder why? Some wonder why not ?

What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?

Some tell the truth. Some sell out the truth.

Some are hypocrites, white washed tombs.

Some honor . Some dishonor.

Some obey . Some disobey.

Some kill. Some are killed.

Some believe in Jesus. Some don’t.

Some obey Jesus. Some don’t.

Some follow Jesus. Some don’t.

Some trust Jesus. Some don’t.

Some are noble. Some are ignoble.

Some have the Spirit of God.

Some have religious spirits.

Some have demons.

Some have nothing!

Some have God’s promise. Some don’t.

Some think they are saved. Some don’t.

Some aren’t sorry. Some are sorry.

Some haven’t repented. Some have repented.

Some are God’s servants.

Some aren’t God’s servants.

Some have hope for the future.

Some don’t have hope..

Some are servants. Some are served.

Some live by the sword. Some die by the sword.

Some live by the Word

Some make time for God. Some don’t.

Some glorify God.Some don’t.

Some establish plans. Some don’t.

Some have pain.

Some have godly sorrow.

Some have to repay. Some don’t.

Some are blessed.

Some are cursed.

Some are warriors.

Some are cowards.

Some ask for help. Some don’t.

Some have burdens. Some don’t.

Some carry. Some need to be carried.

Some are blind. Some can see.

Some are lame. Some can run.

Some are deaf. Some have ears to hear.

Some are privileged. Some aren’t.

Some are evil. Some are not.

Some pray. Some prey.

Some have time. Some don’t.

Some work. Some get paid. Some don’t.

Some sing. Some cry.

Some rejoice.

Some mourn.

Some are warm.

Some are cold.

Some are sick. Some are not.

Some hate. Some don’t.

Some are happy. Some aren’t.

Some will get saved. Some won’t!

Some think. Some don’t!

Some suffer with Christ and will reign with Him.

Some make others suffer.

Some worship God.

Some don’t


If you believe in God and love Jesus say this prayer and mean it.

Write it down on your heart and read it every day of your life in how you live it.

Jesus said,”Choose this day whom you will serve.


Our Father who lives in heaven..Blessed be your name. Let your kingdom come! Help me to do Your will on earth as it is done in heaven.

I believe Jesus is my Lord and my Savior,Your only begotten son , was crucifed and died for my sins,that He was buried and You raised Him from the dead, giving Him the power to come again in glory to judge the living and the dead.

I ask you to fill me with Your Holy Spirit to lead and guide me and to deliver me from evil away from temptations.

Lord make me your child and witness in Jesus name Amen.


Share this with ‘some’…

God bless you!!

Stewart Traill , Dumping Shirley , Getting Gayle~COBU

This article was written collaboratively with the help of Jim Hurley, who was Center Leader of Reading in 1974-75 and witnessed many of these private events between Stewart & Shirley & Gayle in 1975

After Debbie Tobias left there were different ‘sisters’ used to help
Stewart in writing out bible studies.
They would write out the
verses on the file cards.
Gayle did some writing for Stewart and getting closer to the family
all the time and under Stewart’s eye.

After Stewart got the plane[April 1975], he started leaving Shirley home and taking young 18 yr old  Gayle, around to the different centers.

Gayle always seemed to sleep at his feet,. “I don’t know of her ever being sent to the sister’s quarters” said Jim Hurley.

Shirley was getting increasingly upset with this, as well she should
have been! On several occasions while at their home, Stewart would
call Rem, Paul or Dave and other ‘older brothers’ like Jim Hurley too,
to ‘calm’ Shirley down. Jim tells you more about this here.
Usually after some sort of fight concerning his hanging out with female teenagers, particularly Gayle.- “He knew what he was doing!” said Jim.

He could control the young girls but was losing control of Shirley. She was beginning to put her foot down.” Jim continued,
“He wasn’t going to allow her to ruin things for him.
He started to present her as a “freak out” over Gayle, yet all the
while he kept baiting her with his behavior, and he was getting away
with it. Why put up with her when Gayle adored him!”

The incident in the restaurant I heard about many times.
Jim Hurley, my husband, was there. He told me  the exact details
as to demonstrate perhaps why Stewart later didn’t want older
brothers around. No witnesses! This is what I heard back then about it.

Gayle was sitting with Jim in a booth.
“Stewart was sitting with Shirley, they were arguing, or at least she
was. He was contemptively ‘cool’. Her fuse was already lit! Other
leaders were there. Those who knew the real deal, knew why Shirley was
so upset”, said Jim.

“Others may have not known and ‘judged by the moment’ and thought
Stewart was the victim. HA!
He set her up and knew how to push her buttons!
She was watching him and Gayle get ‘bonded’ and knew her time was
In a final burst of frustration, Shirley said out loud,
” You can’t control me, can you Stewart!!!”
“and she opened a jar of sugar, unscrewed the cap and slowly poured
the sugar over Stewart’s head. It mingled in his hair and beard and
slid down his shirt and pants and onto the floor.” Jim  recalled.
“He had victory!”

All he had to do now, was sit there and remain silent.

The calmer he appeared, the more hysterical she looked.
“He knew what he was going to do and he knew how to punish her for
this! -This was going to cost her, everything!”

The rest was easy.

He was succeeding in driving Shirley nuts.
She knew that he could get the fellowships to believe anything he
told them.
He also knew that there was enough momentum to handle any exodus of
those who knew the scoop.

He had the fellowships in the palm of his hands!

He even boasted that he could be ‘backslide 5 years’ and they wouldn’t catch on!

She knew it was beyond her abilities to deal with and that he was out to take over a bunch of naive Jesus freaks and exploit them, much like he had exploited her, when he married her at 16 and she did what ever he told her without question- for years!
Here she was over 30, and able to finally ‘talk back’.

Well he was going to fix her but good!

“He would accuse her of adultery and these dumb lambs would actually feel sorry for him.” said Jim.

Why what girl in fellowship wouldn’t love to have a husband like
He was planning it for sometime.

He had Shirley parade in tight unbecoming ‘old looking’ compared to the sea of young girls spread out on the floor before him, listening to every word he said. It would be easy to get the fellowship to think she was perverse…

Then there were the young men, or boys, who wanted to be
“just like Stewart”.
He had a plan for them as well!

They were going to be as “eunichs” for the kingdom of ‘god’ while he would be ‘a Solomon’, the wisest of the wise and have many ‘mental’ concubines.
He was going to have some fun, dividing those whom he liked from
those he disliked. Ones he liked could be known later as ‘Gayle

He could ‘whip them into shape’ whatever ‘shape’ he wanted to make them.

Stewart  didn’t care what YOUR MOTIVE WAS for being in fellowship, as long as you produced gain for him.
The more the ‘merrier’ for him…
Turn a buck, into his pocket every little bit helps!

Well anyway, back to the ‘good old days’, the time for the first
“1000 person Big Meeting” came and Stewart made the tragic
announcement!!! [4th July 1975]
Shirley gave him an ULTIMATUM-
“Come Home and be husband and father, or we won’t be here when you get back!”[meaning her and the children…]

But as all geniuses plan ahead, Stewart had it all figured out.

He announced to the meeting that she left and made it seem as though
she was telling him Jesus or her.
So of course he was ‘applauded’ for choosing Jesus….
by coming to the meeting and not giving in to her demands…

Why there wasn’t a person present
that couldn’t ‘feel his pain’, but I should have said
‘feel his gain!’….

He had another brother suggest that the fellowship pay
for his legal defense and get back his children for him.
After all, how could Stewart lead the fellowship if he couldn’t manage
his own family, bible basics 101, and to put away his wife, she had
to be an adulteress bible basics 102…

Soon after, he succeeded and got his kids back. He had a private
investigator claim Shirley was with another man in a bar, enough
said. She was backslidden…Alls ‘swell’ in the kingdom of Stewart.

The beast was born…

From that point on, the ‘spirit’ of the fellowship was under attack. Houses closed as warehouses opened, salaries collected, and dependence on the Cobu made it harder to leave.

Members were kept mentally and physically kept exhausted, becoming spiritually deprived of the Truth, having it replaced with ‘wormwood’, the devil had its foothold as Stewart sold out for his Lusts!!!

There were the loyalists.

They were saved, but swayed by their desire to remain in fellowship and or their dependence on the fellowship.

No matter how bad it seemed to get, Stewart could always point a finger
and let them know it was their fault and heap on the guilt.

They always needed to repent and better yet walk around in
figurative ‘sackcloth and ashes’.

They would be mistreated, abused and stay on for long periods of time, carrying the ‘hope’ that things were going to get better.

These hopes were only realized by their eventually leaving. By then, however, the brainwashing of blaming themselves and daily doses of guilt, left some bewildered for years to come.

Stewart gave parting gifts!

A curse would be pronounced on you when you were leaving fellowship.

He even told people that Jim killed himself over 10 years ago! This was said perhaps to scare others into submission and obedience.
In the summer of 1976,  at a meeting in NYC, Stewart  told me in front of the multitudes, that I was a suicide waiting to happen ~!

Thanks for the prophetic word Stew, I did have a few close
calls, since after all, you took away my hope of salvation…. for a

Thanks be to Jesus that he showed me what a liar you {Stewart}

The devil has been having quite a field day with the

Cobu, his ‘Cain child’.

I better end now for this part at least, as this is all part
of the “Never Ending Story

Hopefully this account and others that are being presented,  will  cause those ‘faithfully departed members’ to find new hope in Jesus Christ the Lord Jesus Christ ~ not the facsimile created by Stewart~

[…and not the “Jesus Christ’ carpet cleaning cult….]which has made
Stewart a multi-millionaire, and left those who did the slave labor
with nothing but guilt that they could never please Jesus!

To those left behind, who have a false glimmer of hope that
Stewart would ever care enough to provide for you, any sort of
future, it can only be Death and Despair!

The sooner you get out the sooner you can begin to heal and get to know the ‘real love of Jesus’.

Stewart may raise his glass at a poolside toast and say,
“This Bud’s for you!”
‘You can stay part of Cobu and live in squalor ~ till you are no longer able to
produce work that will profit Stewart and then  you will be cast out
into the street as refuse,with a parting directive to ‘go drop dead’, just as many before you were cast out or driven away.

The true Christians that were in the Ff/Cobu were persecuted and to
the ones that still love Jesus, praise God!

To those who are still hurting so bad, God bless you and comfort you! To those who are still IN and being misled, I pray Jesus protects them and leads them out safely into real fellowship.

To those who have failed to develop a true relationship with Jesus because of being misled, I pray they come to know him, the true loving savior and develop that right relationship with Jesus.

To those of us who fellowship together, I hope that our Savior raises
us up to do more service for him, in the manner of intent we tried to
do in the fellowship.

I ask you Lord Jesus to enable me to lead many  people to You in Christ again in the time I have remaining on this earth and that they may not be caught up in any false teachings like that of the Cobu, by Stewart. I ask You to send Your Holy Spirit to convict him of his sins and lead him to true repentance. In Jesus name.Amen


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